Dag 378 – Loneliness – 1

Word Web

I have made a wordweb around the words loneliness, alone and aloneness on paper and applied self-forgiveness on the ingredients and connections out loud.

Here I move on with self-forgiveness on my relationship of positive feelings with 1 person (as a partner and only as company)  to work with the polarity that exist in the experience in loneliness and the search for fulfillment in relationships.

Feelings with 1 person (when being in a partnerrelationship):

not feeling alone as lonely

feeling carried

feeling like I have succeeded

feeling part of society, like joining in

feeling accepted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feeling alone as lonely when being with 1 other person in and as a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel carried when being with a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I have succeeded when being with a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like part of society, like joining in, when being with a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel accepted when being with a partner.

Feelings when being with 1 other person (not in partnership but as company):

joy

more light, not so heavy, able to self-reflect with humour

able to laugh

not so lost in the mindstructures

excited

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel joy when being with another person as company

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel more light as not so heavy and able to self-reflect with humour, when being with another person as company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as heavy as alone when being alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience alone to heavy by connecting the word alone to the word heavy and within this, connect myself as being alone as heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and experience myself as being alone as heavy, and within this believing that nobody wants to be with me because I believe I am so heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that nobody wants to be with me for a longer time, because I believe I am so heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that every one who is with me for a longer time, becomes heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be able to laugh when being with another person as company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel not so lost in the mind-structures when being with another person as company

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel excited when being with another person as company, in which I compromise myself as going ‘out of myself’ and within this, not being aware of what happens in my physical body in and as reactions which gives physical constrictions, and so within this, create a polarity of wanting to be with another human being and at the same time wanting to be alone, as not creating constrictions, where in I actually alone also create constrictions in and as the mind, in and as reaction on my own mind-patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create constrictions in and as reactions towards my own mind-patterns which I suppress in and as myself, to not feel all these reactions as rejections inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject myself in and as reaction on my own mind-patterns, alone and when being in company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like myself in and as the mind, and to be surprised everytime I see someone else in what I interpreted as happily expressing in and as the mind in full convincement, in which I think, how is this possible, and then start creating energy myself in and as reaction on this, and so, do not like myself in and as the mind, in and as reaction, and in this way, keep myself busy with reactions all the time, in and as judgements, experiencing myself as unable to stop this, and so isolate myself in and as being alone, looking for a relationship in and as the mind and at the same time being without company, so that I do not react so much on what I see as interpretation outside myself in and as the mind, in and as reaction and so that I do not see who I have become in and as self-judgement, projected outside myself, in which I think, how is this possible, until I decide, it’s enough, no more compromises which harms life as myself as life and within this having only one option left, which is standing up, standing alone, in and as self-investigation of who I am, have become and can be.

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When and as I see myself going into reaction on somebody outside myself, I stop, I breathe.

Actually I donot know why I react in that specific moment, I basicly see it as a pattern, just reacting because of the sake of creating energy.

I realize that I cannot be here with myself if I judge everything inside myself in and as reaction as projection on the outside world.

I commit myself to stop reacting in and as the mind on somebody outside myself, and breathe.

I commit myself to investigate what happens in the moment of reaction inside myself specificely, to investigate, see, self-forgive, write out, what it is that I react on and/as what I judge in this in and as a reaction about and as myself, as a judgement about myself.

I commit myself to stand equal as accepting myself as who I exist in and as the mind, no matter what it is that I see, so that I can stop, embrace, stand equal, self-forgive and actually correct myself into a living being in and as the physical, breath by breath.

I realize how I have walked from the staring-point of not wanting to stand alone, and that I am not able to reach the bottom as grounding myself, as long as I am constricted in relationships in and as the mind, in and as emotional reactions and suppression.

I realize that I connect myself in and as emotion towards other emotions of other people, when actually it is not my emotion and I am not emotional about it but becoming emotional in and as this connection, just because of feeding the emotions.

I realize that I am walking in and as the mind in constrictions as assumptions, and within this, constrict myself in and as relationships, in and as the mind, in which I react emotionally in and as judgements, and manifest this reactions physically in and as the large intestine, in and as control.

I commit myself to investigate the assumptions in relation to alone, loneliness, relationships, and push myself to see beyond the balance in this in and as the mind, in and as a believe in what I have learned in this world as ‘real’ without questioning and investigating this to the bottom.

I commit myself to investigate the assumpions about relationships and standing alone to the bottom, so that I can reach the ground and stand up from the bottom, in and as a starting-point of self-honesty.

Winged – Exploring Self Intimacy

….Then I look within me and I realise: That I had deserted me through the manifestation of that which is not real: Judgment – and here I see – that I had done what I had become: That which is not real and desertion: Judgment as that which is not real I had become because I believed the lie that judgment is real and desertion of self because I deserted me through believing that judgment is real – and then manifesting this judgment within me, manifesting this desertion within me –which had become me as my entire world – as my entire experience as the desert of desertion and the mirages of what is not real…

Here I see – I finally see – that this desert is me – I manifested this desert as me because I deserted me – here I see – I finally see – that I these mirages are me -I manifested these mirages because I believed that which is not real is real: Judgment…. (Winged)

(For interviews as support with regards to the experience of loneliness, click on the links in the writing above).

Dag 374 – How Every Breath Counts

Dag 375 – The gift of Life by Roos – preference and ignorance

Dag 376 – Ignorance and preference – self-corrective statements

Dag 377 – The gift of Life by Roos – knowledge and information

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

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Dag 357 – Lead by the eggleaders – Self-forgiveness

The Bee

PENTAX Image

Dag 356 – Lead by the eggleaders (ovaria)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself lead by the eggleaders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by the eggleaders for about 10 years, feeling as I had/have to use this, that I had to give birth to a child, just because this is a possibility and just because out of fear of missing something if I would not step into this opportunity, and for this, being busy for over 10 years with the cycle of menstruation and ovulation and finding a man and finding other opportinities to ‘give birth to a child’, where at the same time, I do not want to step into the system as how it is set up in this world with a child; where at the same time I fear being swallowed by the constrictions of living in this system, and at the same time experiencing how I already am constricted in and as a system within me that I could not escape by giving birth but what would give me the push to stand up in and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give birth to a child as seeing this as the only possibility to stand up in and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt so inferior of not giving birth to a child while the whole world seems to turn around this one point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my whole world turn around this one point of giving birth to a child, where in I saw/see at the same time that it was this ‘birthing’ that I was looking for, and not especially the ‘taking care of a child’ within the system in society as it exists at the moment, and so I was/am always devided in this point, which took me more than 10 years to investigate and walk through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devide myself by the polarity in/as the mind, instead of living in/as the moment as what is here to be lived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I had the chance to step into a relationship with opportunity to have a child, to not step in, as it felt/feels like this is not it, this is not what and how I want it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get confused by what I want and what self-will is, instead of seeing, realising and understanding that I am not confused, I am just not wanting to step into and as the movement of self-will as a final decision as a commitment, as within this, there is no way back, no backdoor existing anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I want to have a backdoor existing in/as the mind, to leave all doors open, just ‘in case of’, just for ‘you never know’, so that I can always step back when it seems like I made the wrong decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always have been scared for a post-natal depression when and if I would get pregnant because there was some in this desire to give birth to a child that was not self-honest, as it was always about ‘being pregnant and giving birth’ and never about walking with a child to guide in this society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that giving birth to a child would give me the strength to stand up, as within this there is no choise left.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel some regret of not having an oppoprtunity to in this life living a life of a family, living in nature, walking in partnership with a child, in a world that is carefull.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that living my full potential is not existing in taking care of a child perse, but more using this as an excuse to not live everything I see in this world for a long time already and stand up in this to make other people aware of the need to change, as when having a child to ‘raise’, I would be occupied with taking care of this one human, which gives little space to play a part in the education of humanity as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret that I am not able to walk both, as there is no time for this with regards to my age and with regards to the situation the world is existing in and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my lead away to men as there is a men needed for giving birth to a child, and because of the age-limit in this, feeling rushed and pushy towards men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have seen men as something I needed to give birth to a child, when at the same time seeing that I was not ready, not able to walk a partnership in and as a real support and so not ready to give birth to a child, but because of the feeling like ‘there is no time’ and ‘missing a chance’ and ‘needing to do this’, I have pushed it many times, and within this manipulated myself and the male by/in/as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and/as the male in/as the mind for having a partnership soon because of a time issue lead by the eggleaders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to use giving birth to a child as a way to give birth to myself, which is exactly the thing that I was so sick of what I have been used for, and because I was aware of this, I could, despite all my attempts to find a solution to get pregnant, I did none of them push through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand certain in my awareness of not willing to give birth to a child when I am not standing in and as myself and within this abusing and limiting the child in it’s expression, and instead of this, I let myself distract by/in/as the mind, lead by the eggleaders, making myself feeling miserable and ineffective and within this creating a lot of confusing within myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself miserable and ineffective, manifested on a physical level, by letting myself distract by/in/as the mind, lead by the eggleaders in/as dissatisfaction of my daily reality, which I made uncomfortable by myself, participating in and as this distraction and within this, manipulating, constricting, confusing and breaking down myself and my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself manipulate by the system of reproduction, instead of leading myself here in every moment, breath by breath, seeing what is best and based on self-will and walking/living this, instead of pushing and manipulating out of self-interest, lead by the eggleaders as the system of reproduction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel able to make a choise in this and taking real responsibilityfor myself in giving birth to a child, as seen in this writing that I was not certain and I knew this, and so push situations to extremes in a way to try to ‘let a situation decide for me’ while I already had found out to a certain degree that every action has a consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still create consequenses while knowing that I cause this, and within this not taking full responsibility of and for myself in word and deed.

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When and as I see myself participating in/as fear of standing up, speaking up and directing myself in this I stop, I breathe.

I realise that I experience fear because this is new, never done, and so not known as the mind, and so the mind is giving thoughts as fear as a way of control.

I realise that I experience fear when and as I exist in self-doubt and thus I am not absolute certain, and so I need to investigate what I am missing in this in and as myself.

I realise that this is what I will walk, that this is not age-determinded, as I have had the possibility to walk a different way and give birth to a child, which I have decided not to walk, as I was not certain to walk it as self-will as there were always self-dishonest facts involved, which I walked through, so now I am standing at the beginning of standing up in and as myself, which gives an experience of fear as fear of failure, that we all have to walk through.

I commit myself to walk with and as myself, breath by breath, to take on every day what needs to be done, to see into this in self-honesty and with common sense, to ask for support when needed, and first of all, to support myself in this, to breathe, to write, to forgive myself, to embrace myself in this, to correct myself and to push myself to walk and live the self-correction, starting in small things, every day, with and as myself, and if I fall into failure, I stand up, I forgive myself, I investigate what happened, I walk on, realising that failure is only a failure when I lay myself down in it in acceptance, and otherwise it as an opportunity to stand up in it and walk through, step by step, breath by breath.

I commit myself to practise breathing to become more effective in stopping and walking through energetic experiences in and as fear.

I commit myself to walk this process of birthing myself as life in the physical, to push myself in this and dedicate myself to do what is in my ability to make this world a place worth living for all living beings and within this for children to come.

When and as I see myself participating in uncertainty with regards to a making a decision, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I am distracted by something in and as the mind that I need to investigate.

I realize that there is fear related in this and so I investigate what the fear contains and what judgements are related in this.

I do not allow myself to let myself rushed by time in/as the mind to force and manipulate decisions in this, as this will create consequenses for myself and/as others.

I commit myself to investigate what keeps me from being certain and standing in and as a decision, to write it out, to apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, until I am certain to stand straight and walk the decision in and as self-will, as what is best for all.

I commit myself to slow down, to breathe, to walk in and as self-support.

The Butterfly

PENTAX Image

Desteni I Process Lite – (free course)

Redefining Relationships

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 352 – Bernard Poolman (English)

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Sunday 11 august 2013 Bernard Poolman has passed away. His heart stopped beating.

See blogpost on Creation’s Journey to Life.

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I am not sure where to begin so I describe what I walk through since the message sunday afternoon that Bernard passed away.

When I read the message on email I first understood that his heart stopped beating and I expected that the message would go on like ‘he is in the hospital and being reanimated’ or something like that.

This is not so. Bernard really passed away.

Sadness is the first thing that comes up in me, together with disbelief and incomprehension and a thought as ‘what should we do now?!’

Soon after this it become very clear to me what to do: to move on with the activities that I am doing, and with the group who will continue doing the tasks. It was as if I was making some kind of checklist inside myself to see if I am able to continue the work what I started within Desteni, without the physical presence of Bernard being here anymore.

I am able to continue. I have called Larry and Sylvie and asked them to open the email. I wanted to share this with them. In the hourse after this, I was still pretty clear.

We have had chat at 20.00 with the whole group. Within this it became clear that Bernard will not be coming through the Portal:

Bernard will not be coming through the Portal. You must understand that Bernard was an individual standing within and as all of existence in his Physical Body; now that he is no more in his physical body, he as what he stood as, as life, as here, as all, as one, as equal still remains within existence; but he is no more an individual being/person………….. So, we cannot talk with him personally as a him personally did only exist for the time-being on earth as to what was necessary to be done. Therefore, we as individuals still here have to stand and walk this Physical Process. The dimensional process is/has been done and walked  we have to take it from here into/as the Physical and we have everything we need.

And here the real sadness came up. He is really not here anymore as ‘Bernard’, also not as an individual being in the dimensions.

The group is directly standing up within the responsibility to continue with the activities in and as Desteni untill it’s done. There are questions but there will be coming an interview from Sunette and this will probably answer most of the questions.

In the hours that follow, everything becomes clear very fast with regards to the points that I have not yet taken real responsibility for within myself; the things that I saw, but not yet ‘picked up’ to really change within myself. All these points actually leads towards the same conclusion, that I still trusted on Bernard in a way, that I am not really aware of what ‘life’  is, that I do not understand how he can deside to not continue as an individual being but as existance everywhere, being present in all life. Most of all are related to missing a point of absolute certainty. This is what I have missed so much during my life, and what I have experienced, seen and received as a support and example from Bernard. This is the point what I did not bring into standing in a sufficient way within myself because of participation within and as the mind, which gives an experience of self-doubt.

I notice that I made attachments towards Bernard with regards to his total effort with absolute certainty to bring in Life as what is best for all, untill it’s done, and that I used his absolute certainty and dedication as a motivation to push myself through. After being in South-Africa, I have asked myself several times if I would move on in self-honesty no matter what, and the answer was ‘yes’ every time. It is what I wanted to do for already 20 years, but what I was not able to take on in totality, because I was missing the complete information, the tools to bring it into practise and a living example of how to do this. I was missing the act of self-forgiveness, and without self-forgiveness, no real change is possible. Bernard and Desteni gave me the information, the practical tools and the living example, and within Desteni I picked up tasks that I am able to complete, with or without Bernard, and so I can move on with what I am doing already.

At the same time I noticed that there was still hesitation to really live in absolute certainty and dedication towards and as life. It was as if there was some kind of, “yes, but” within myself, and I was moving, but it seems like moving too slow; it felt like pushing through a fuzzy cloud of distraction.

So, the absolute certainty and effort from Bernard I used as a motivation to push myself through. And this is what I need to be for myself. During this week after his passing away, I notice a change in myself and around me, as if some veil, some ‘noise’ has moved with him. This is related to the removing of the physical systems that he was working on, and the last one that he took on while and with leaving his physical body. (There will be coming interviews about this from Sunette – you can read her blog here). As if for the first time, I see myself as being able to do this, to take full responsibility for my own mind and to work together with the group on bringing a solution into the world. I experience it as if the support as the living principles as Life as Bernard was standing in and as, is spread out everywhere in and as existence, as a platform to walk on, available for everyone who is ready to face oneself in self-honesty.

There is no choise anymore: I have to walk into living as what I see, realize and understand as the only solution and we as a group as Desteni have to walk and bring the solution into the world, and we as a group as humanity have to bring this change into living, as the only solution to live in equality and oneness in and as this physical world. We have to be, become and continue in being practical living beings as what is best for all, and within this we have to stand the test of time, as Bernard stood the test of time and has become timeless and always Here, in and as support as Life, in and as the Living Principles.

His carefullness in every breath, is what stands most by me, as Anna is also describing in her blog about Bernard.

This starts in tender care in and as myself,in the very small things. Really listening to myself. Applying self-forgiveness on the fear that comes up in this; fear for standing up in and as life in carefullness in a world that is not carefull. There is so much to do in this before I am really able to be carefull in every breath.

(Compassion in Action)  (Blog Cathy)

Life is caring, the mind is not. So the systems that exist have to be realligned with and as the living principles as what is best for all in and as carefullness, and so we need to stop the starting point of self-interest in and as the mind. This starts within ourselves, as only when we as as humanity change into carefull and trustworthy beings, we will be able to change the world into a place that is Best for All Life.

This is what Bernard and Sunette are pointing out every time again: “You only need to take full responsibility for your own Mind Consiousness System and to forgive and change yourself within this”.

This is how change will take place as 1+1+1+1+1

“Give as you would like to receive”.

Within this, real care will come in. As first there is the giving and then there is the receiving.

Bernard said several times to me: “You are still scared of people”. “What to do” I asked. “It’s a thought”, he answered.

Within my witness-blog about going to the farm I described (part of) my experience with  Bernard on the farm.

I can keep on writing while the words are not fully describing what Bernard has given and how gratefull I am for what he has done. It is to each one of us to really live as his example in and as the Living Principle.

Here are a few lines from the chat that shows how it is not about Bernard but about the Living Principle that he brought into the world, and only living by this living principles and within this, bringing life into the world until it is done, until all is life, is a real expression of gratefullness and respect towards Bernard, who is standing as Life-Self-Realised. Because, what we all are really missing is

LIFE

in and as ourselves, and so in and as the world:

we have to become the living example of the living principle in the physical (Sunette)

he’s always stood in existence, as existence – here, so he’s “here”, but not “Bernard as an individual” – what I mean with ‘he’s here in/as existence’ is the Principle, Life (Sunette)

he told us -it is never about the individual, but the principles, thus we cannot use any excuses that bernard is not alive, because the principles still stand and it is up to us to stand (Cameron)

Consider the point that Bernard wasn’t something special  but the embodiment of a principle that we can all develop ourselves as; so  then I would suggest to simply stand as that point yourself of giving yourself your life back through being disciplined, and diligent in your process of standing up (Viktor)

he will be missed – but we will not miss his message/his words/what he stood for/as – this we’ve got to take and live and continue to do so (Sunette)

I would say Bernard did a better job than Jesus. Establishing the process of walking as equals as one as the principle – so we individually and together see this through, he was the guiding point, and now we have enough guidance to guide ourselves and each other and so to those still to come to be walking with us (Sunette)

we cannot rely on one single individual as that would be again ‘following a message’ instead of living it (Marlen)

Need to look at what you saw in bernard and found missing within yourself and then give it to yourself (Fidelis)

All he ever asked of us is show others the support he has given us (Fidelis)

we each stand as a specific point within this process – Bernard stood as the living example of what we are to become, life self-realised – walking the process we have established / each has ‘their point to stand’ – so, ‘life individualized’ is like self realisation process of being/becoming life and we have the process / structure to walk to be/become it (Sunette)

 Bernard Poolman –  Living The Word Alive: DAY 231

Thank you

Video support Marlen

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(This is partly a translation of the Dutch blog that I wrote on 13 august 2013)

(Dutch blog with related self-forgiveness)

(Witness Blog)

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Dag 292 – Expressie en de Darm – Decision Making, Free Choise and Money.

mmm I am a little bit lost as for the last month I wrote out 4 trigger characters as characters and this writing is finished for now, so….what’s next? lol.

I was in a shopping centre for furnish with my mother. I needed some small stuff. As often happens, it took me a long time to ‘choose’. I find choosing very difficult.

My mother said, it’s exactly the same as when you were younger. I said yes, there are so many options, so many choises to make. Yes she said, too many choises.

With regards to education and health issues, I have never hesitated long, I know exactly which way to go, what is really supportive for myself and my body within this. No matter if I have challenges within this, I will push through. Not doing this is simple not an option. Also choises in work did go well.

With regards to buying things, I hesitate a long time. It is always related to money, as I have to balance out what I like and how much money I have available.

With regards to relationships, I never seem to make a real choise in this. And if I do so, the other person is not really making a choise, which is somehow reflecting this point, and still no choise and/or stand is made in this.

I still am hesitating about a choise that I made last year and already am walking, which is living alone again. Lol, I cannot change it anymore, and still am hesitating in my mind. How bizar.

Life Review – My life of Co-Dependency

With regards to ‘having’ children, I have hesitated for about 10 years, and I did not get them. There were some situations, that if I really wanted it, I could have stepped in and make it possible. It was maybe not perfect, but a good option with practical possibilities. I did not, and on the road I started to understand why not, as the systems within myself, within the family, within society, within the scholing, I bumped on, and I could not make the decision because I did not want to pass on to the child what I was experiencing within myself, and I was having doubts about myself, standing for a child within the system as how it exists now, as I am within myself, existing as a system that I do not yet fully understand.

So, it seems that money, and the systems within myself, are keeping me away from making a real choice, a real stand, from decision making. Money and Systems, which are actually the same, existing Within as the Mind Consiousness System and existing Without as the World Money System. Both unequal to Life, as what is best for All. So seperated in unequality, in seperation from myself, I get lost in all the free choices that can be made, seems to need to be made.

Around this I build up hesitations, doubts, resistances, dislikes. Which are confusing me and in which I keep myself locked up in self-interest in/as judgements, which again makes it difficult to make a stand. And even that is a judgement again.

So I start with writing out some related subjects with applying self-forgiveness on all the judgements that I have created in it,  and within this investigating how money and free choise are related to this.

DAY 376: Experiential Reality Guidelines to Self-Honesty

The Soul of Money 

DAY 1: Who I Am as Money

De serie Expressie en de Darm begint bij Dag 232  – (inclusief Disclaimer)

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Proces van zelfverandering:
www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie waarin financiele ondersteuning voor een wereld in gelijkheid:
www.eqafe.com
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/