Dag 750 – 29. Care as motivation

This blog is related to record 29: Care as motivation

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like ‘having a child’ and/or ‘being in a relationship’ must be ‘taken care of’ before I actually and really will be able to take care of myself in and as life and/as life as a whole, where in my self-interest – showing it’s face in ‘emotional experiences’ of ‘unfulfilled desires’ – is ‘leading me‘ or better said ‘controling me’ where in I also not take care in what is best for myself and so, I keep myself actually prisoned or controled within my own emotional experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself locked in within the control of my emotional experiences of unfulfilled desires in which I believe that ‘I can not live without’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can not live without that what I desire, where I use this actually as a distraction within and as myself, in and as my own mind as a belief that I can not live without the control of my own mind within thoughts, feelings and emotions, as this then ‘feels like I die’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘I will die’ without having a connection within and as my mind where in I channel myself into certain desires, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that within this I project my own mind in the ‘state of death’ or ‘sleeping state’ that I exist in within this moment while participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions and following and believing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts, feelings and emotions in and as my mind within polarity that lead up to ‘a death end’ when the energy of polarity runs out, instead of looking at ‘living words’ that are best for all, including myself, that I can assist and support myself with and ‘breathe’ myself into life with, step by step, day by day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become blanko and tired here without exactly seeing what and how I do ‘hold onto’ certain experiences related to ‘love and relationships’ and what this ‘gives’ to me.

When and as I see myself participating in an experience of fear, related to a relationship, I stop and breathe.

I realize that the fear is an experience of the other side of the coin of the experience of love and that I may have gone into an experience of love, to not ‘feel’ the experience of fear or ‘uncertainty’ within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perhaps go into an experience of love to not feel the experience of fear or uncertainty within and as myself.

I commit myself to slow down and look carefully into the experience of fear within and as myself, within the realization that ‘fear of another’ is a thought in essence and so, there is a judgement as thought connected within and as myself, towards this ‘other’ as myself and so I also commit myself to realize that there is then most of time a self-judgement involved and so, I commit myself to keep on finding the thoughts as (self)-judgements and forgiving myself within, related to an experience of fear/love towards someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have preferences in life as for example I do naturally like animals and so, this is a more easy motivation for me to ‘take care’, for myself and for life as a whole and that I still do experience quite some fear as resistance to ‘people’ which is because of how the mind consciousness systems are living out the inequality.

When and as I experience a fear as resistance coming up within me in interaction with another person, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am reacting to how an inequality is living out and that I ‘fear’ to keep standing and so, I somewhere judge myself in this fear and state of ineffectiveness or, I judge myself for the same thing that I do not yet see within and as myself.

I commit myself to embrace and forgive myself for my own inequalities in and as this fear as thoughts as judgements that comes up when and as an inequality is playing out and I commit myself to find and use a living word in which I make myself more effective and directed to what I see that is supporting me to stand up, to keep standing and stable in a way that is best for myself as well as for others involved, in the small moments of every day life.

Previous blog: 28. Learned a lot

This blog is connected to the last record of this serie of self-reflection on the years of my biological fertility. I have found it of great support for myself to walk it all through and share, to free myself from a certain ‘charge’ that I experienced to it all and while doing so, I could bring it back to experiences coming up within situations in current time and bring this into self-forgiveness as well.

Thank you for reading, listening and walking with.

I will continue with what is ahead and coming up within myself and my life to take care of, within and as myself, for myself and for life as a whole. It may only reach one or a few other beings at the moment, however I do understand that a ripple effect will take place that I/we may not yet see or be aware of, as every one who is taking responsibility is part of a one+one+one.


Proces van zelfverandering:
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Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 724 – 12. Learning what consequence is

 

This blog is related to record 12: Learning what consequence is

For context and playlist see: Dag 710 – Reflection on the years of fertility

The self-forgiveness are written as if it is happening in current time, however it are self-forgiveness on a pattern that I am reflecting back on and now taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already had in mind somehow to do it all alone without firstly align and ground myself within a relationship where in we could both stand the test of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because of already had in mind somewhere to do it all alone, this ‘plan of action’ was activated by some words of the male and so me using this words as some kind of ‘proof’ that this is what I have to do and can do, that this is somehow ‘okay’ to do, without seeing, realizing and understanding that this is actually me within my mind, manipulating words (of doubt) from another, towards using this for my self-interest within this ‘plan of action’ that I had hidden as a secret within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my responsibility in a way, on the other by using his words as a reason and justification, as some sort of ‘sign’ that I now can start my ‘secret plan of action’ without considering the whole situation that I and the male are involved in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck within myself within conflict because of taking action from a point of self-interest in a situation that was not grounded at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to an outcome as doing it all alone bacause not having a program ready of how to effectively build a relationship as how is best for both/best for all and from here, somehow thinking and believing that I will never able to do so and at the same time, knowing that it should be possible and that it is within my potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now only see and learn what consequenses are for myself within relationships and how they end, however it took me many more years to really consider all and every aspect including the effect of my decisions on others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from here on think and believe that ‘I am responsible for myself and another is responsible for him/herself’ and so within this, not considering to take responsibility as well for others involved as much as it is within my awareness and when and as another is not yet be able to do so because of having les awareness in that moment, it is up to me to step in and direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘it was his responsibility to step in with me’ which it is in the end, however missing out here on the consequense of my words and actions for another as well and not only for me.

When and as I see myself participating in a fear of stepping forward and express what I see as consequence and responsibility within another’, I stop and breathe.

I realize that it is also my responsibility to speak up, to step forward and support another to learn what consequence is, this within my ability and awareness in that certain moment.

I commit myself to bring my fear back to myself, to see and forgive what the fear as judgement is and from here, see how I can best step forward and speak or show some awareness in a way that another is able to understand.

When and as I see myself participating in a thought-pattern, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I create consequenses for myself within my physical body that are not needed or doing any good.

I commit myself to step by step, walk and forgive the layering of fear within me, to write it out, to name, understand and forgive myself until I am able to stand more clear and stable within myself with regards to relationships and patterns of fear of loss and standing alone.

When and as I see myself not knowing how to move forward within a certain point within a relationship, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I do not have an effective program ready and so, I need to create a real and lasting solution from here on from within myself, which feel like ‘impossible’ because I have never done it before.

I commit myself to move myself into the unknown field, to step by step create a solution by using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction, cross-referencing with others/support from others and considering the aspects that I can see within myself and so slowly, build the ground and stability within myself, within my life and within the relationship with another and with others in general.

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Previous blog: 11. Not wanting to repeat a pattern

Next blog: 13. Trying to make it up

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Proces van zelfverandering:

http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive