Dag 817 – Patience

I see within myself in certain area’s that I have patience naturally and in certain area’s, I do not have it, at all. Here when I look at the word ‘patience’, it is like a ‘patient‘ to me, as a word for someone who is ill in some way and then being placed under diagnoses of the medical circuit. Where in I do not like or use the word ‘patient’ eather, as in this, one is easily defined as one’s ‘illness’; where I see the ‘illness’ more as a dis-ease within the mind-being-body as a whole and so it doesnot define someone as a whole, it is a part of oneself, a disbalance created or carried within one’s genetics and then activated and lived out and so, one is responsible for it, however not defined by it.

So here one could say, that I did develop a healthy way of being patience, which is also due to my medical education that I started around my twenties in the area of natural medicine – so here I have trained and developed myself effectively.

In other area’s – mostly within communication and interaction within relationships – I can in moments easily become impatient. Here defined as the dictionary definition of ‘feeling passive or suffering’.

Let’s open up my default connection with the word patience, realizing that I do have a reference point of patience within myself and so I am able to define this word effectively in every area and from here, I need to practice and train myself to really live it, just as how I have developed ‘patience’ as a an expression with regards to considering our physical mind-being-body health in general. I just need to bring this in extension within the more intimate relationship with myself and/as another, more close to home so to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like passive and suffering when and as I need to wait for an answer for a while, even if it is totally normal that the answer is coming later as the physical movement needs time, it can only go as fast as it goes and the physical pace is the norm that I require to follow, simply because I am a physical being and I live in a physical world, connected to all and everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with the physical pace, connected to myself as a physical being, this physical world and all and everything within it and instead, go into my mind and create a more faster pace that I then expect how things should go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then actually, place myself on an island within and as my mind, creating a pace for myself alone where in I move with the pace of my preferences and desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the pace of my physical body and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the pace of this physical existence as a whole and all and everything within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have patience with my self and my own physical pace and from here and out of uncomfortability, trying to ‘catch up’ with my own and/as another’s mind-pace and within this, forcing myself as another into a direction in/as the mind, instead of slowing down, forgiving what is coming up in my mind as desires, thoughts, expectations and what more and aligning to myself physically here, which probably will be supportive for another as well, because we simply all have difficulties to slow down and align with ourselves in our physical bodies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself on an island in/as my mind, to not let another in, to not let another support me especially within an intimate relationship because I am not comfortable with myself and my own physical pace when being around with others, as here I become nervous, restricted, focused outside and loosing touch with myself inside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to probably from a childhood pattern of revenge, keeping another at distance and not allowing another – especially in an intimate relationship – the practical action of supporting me in area’s where I may need it or could use it, even if it is simply asking for time, space, being here with me, where in I then start using this as an excuse that ‘no one is supporting me (especially within an intimate relationship), not seeing, realizing and understanding that I simply give no room and space to be supported and stand by as I manifest myself as if ‘I can do it all by myself’ and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame every partner for not supporting me when all the while, it is me on my island, high and dry so to speak, using ‘not being supported’ as an excuse to not step into and beyond the comfort of what I know, into the unknown, with trial and error, saying ‘I also do not know it exactly but we have to find out along the way and I would like you to slow down with me and see what is here’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act as ‘if I know what I want’ but all the while, staying at the surface and feeling constricted underneath, as an iron system manifested in and as my physical body, around my organs.

I commit myself to be and become patient with myself in walking step by step, deconstructing this iron or metallic system manifested around my organs, forgiving myself for my own created desires, expectations, idea’s, to let myself in so to speak and from here, to practice communication about where I am, what I would like or require to be / become more comfortable, gentle, soft, aligned with myself and within my physical body, to use what is here and who is here in my physical reality, as a self-supportive interaction for both / all involved and from here I will be patient and supportive with others as well in their physical pace and where they are and I commit myself to share and have fun, to use humor, to laugh along the way as one of the best ways to release inner restrictions and tension and become connected and aligned as well.

I commit myself to expand and embody the word patience in different area’s within myself, to be and become unwavering in every moment; standing here, one and equal with and as myself, in understanding of my mind, being and body connection in and as this physical realm as a whole, not judging my mistakes, not judging my pace and location but sharing, forgiving and laughing about it, realizing the effort it takes, realizing that certain things need to be walked through and from here, aligning and connecting with myself and one another in a way that supports myself, another and life as a whole.

I commit myself to allow myself to be vulnerable, when and as a moment is here and to allow myself be supported and allow another to support me, to be humble yet aware, in ways or area’s that I am not yet comfortable but on my way to open up for myself, within myself and I commit myself to support myself through and within the uncomfortable moments, to take a breath and see what is here within me to express.

Patience

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Dag 773 – Sabotaging my own common sense

Common-Sense-Black

I was writing in a mind-construct in a lesson of Desteni I Process and here I started seeing how I sabotage my own common sense within projecting my own experiences that are coming up within me, on my own (words of) common sense and here keeping myself in a circle of self-sabotage and keeping myself ‘imprisoned’ in a way in cycling in my own experiences that I keep on projecting on my own common sense and from here, manifesting these experiences through resonating this within the speeking of the words of common sense. I have copied here the serie of self-forgiveness where in this became clear for myself (related to an every day life example of a situation at work that I used to write out because I noticed that I was not clear and stable in that specific moment). It is giving an example of how effective the writing can support in seeing within myself in what I am doing inside and so creating outside as ‘the reality of myself’.

(…)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel relieved because this situation is almost over and at the same time feeling guilty of what I see that I have created as the other leaving, without using the time effectively, where in I see now that it is merely based on a lack in communication that I actually did ask for as in making an appointment but that I communicated within a reaction inside and so, I merely communicated the resonance of my reaction and not so much the common sense within my words, where in the ‘feeling guilty’ is about my reaction that I communicated, that I then start projecting on my own words in common sense and from here, starting to ‘doubt’ my own words of common sense and project this ‘feeling guilty’ on my words of common sense and then carrying this as a memory with me: feeling guilty about a question of planning an appointment (and perhaps leaving in that moment) and in a then next situation, feeling ‘scared’ to ask this again because I have connected and loaded this question within myself with experiences of guilt and doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my own common sense within projecting my own energetic experiences coming up within myself, on my own words of common sense and within this, start to doubt my own words and common sense and keeping the experiences of guilt and doubt existing within me and then resonating this with words of common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect my own words of common sense with resonations of experiences as doubt and guilt and fear, and within this, every time that I speak common sense, bring forward a resonation of doubt, guilt and fear and so actually and merely communicate the experiences of doubt, fear and guilt and then triggering this within another as well and at the same time, keeping these experiences of guilt, doubt and fear intact, because I again then feel ‘guilty’ about what I bring forward and about the situation that it creates and here again, start ‘doubting’ myself and ‘fearing’ to bring up anything that I see as words of common sense, but at the same time, not being able to stop myself from speaking these words ‘right now’ because the related experiences are almost like a pressure ‘to speak up now’ and so, I have no direction about my timing in speaking words of common sense.

(…)

What I also find is that this is of influence on the timing of when it is best to speak and when it is best to wait a little and align myself to the situation and the dimensions that I see involved. This timing I have recently started to open up within myself (as well as in a blog here), as I see that within an misalignment within my timing of ‘speaking up’ as a voicing myself, I create most consequences within my communication in relation to others.

To be continued.

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Dag 771 – Timing

What I find often within myself is how I tend to want to speak about something as soon as possible, as if I have to do it now, otherwise it is too late. This is then still fear-based in some dimensions and in this I will miss some dimensions within myself to consider, which will have a consequence, for myself but for others as well.

I also find, if I am not really sure about the consequence outflow of my words, where I see that this that I can not see, may have a harmfull outflow, that I better give myself and the situation some more time to unfold. This is ofcourse only possible for situations where a conversation can take place later, as there are and will be situations where a decision needs to be made in a certain time-frame or even ‘right now’.  But this is not what I mean here with my tendency to want to speak about something right now or as soon as possible’.

I actually fear an outcome here in one way or another or, I fear a confrontation, where I then want to have it done as soon as possible, to free myself from the uncomfortable experience of uncertainty and anxiety or nervousness within myself. However when I come forward with aconfrontation from this starting-point of fear, I will afterwards, have a longer and ‘lingering’ outflow of unconfortability, where in I am rewalking the situation over and over again in my mind, trying to make peace with myself in the fact that I did not give myself more time to consider every visible aspect or, to wait (if and when possible) if I see that I do not have enough information about the effect of my words or decision. So it is then a ‘waiting’ for more data / information , to have a more considered timing for a converstation to take place in a way that is causing the less possible friction or turbulating effect.

Timing

I find it not so easy to find the timing but I do see that this is related to my own anxiety and uncomfortability when having to confront myself in a certain situation. So it is also possible that I delay to bring something forward, in trying to prevent friction and conflict and then from here, it is possible that it comes out in a moment because the delaying has given an accumulation of the nervousness and anxiety within myself. And when I started with a bad timing, I make it more difficult for myself to then bring it back in timing / alignment with myself again, as I am sort of running away from admitting to myself that I from the start, did not consider every aspect and did not consider or apply the best timing that I already had seen as possible but that I found myself unable to apply.

It may be so that the outcome of it in general may be the same, because what is triggered inside, is already inside and it needs to come out anyway somehow. However at least for myself (and so probably also for others involved), it will prevent a lot of turmoil and uncertainty and experiences of guilt and regret and ‘reliving’ of the situation in my mind, over and over again, to find out if and where I could have done different.

It is so much of a learning process and I find ‘timing’ one of the most challenging points – not so much in my actions but mostly in the timing of my words – where I actually find it challenging to on forehand, become calm and stable and certain in what I want and who I am, as what I see that is standing within the principle of ‘best for all’ as best for myself on longterm. It actually has to do with self-trust; to trust myself in walking breath by breath and not ‘walking ahead’ in my mind and then ‘wanting to get it done’.

What I see is that within this ‘rushing’, I try to get away from taking responsibility for myself within self-honesty, so I try to avoid my own self-honesty and the possible outflow, where in what I see in self-honesty, may not be aligned with what I prefer and if that is so, then I need to let go that what I prefer because on long-term, my self-honesty is what I will keep standing in and as, as what is best for myself as life. And this self-honesty is also ‘layered’ I would say, as if in each layer that I  walk through, there is a point of honesty that I may need to reconsider and go to the core of myself in what it really is that I can do as best for myself on long-term and to find out what is coming forward out of myself in my comfort-zone and what is really and truly my utmost potential in this specific moment or situation and how I am going to walk this.

To be continued

Desteni I Process


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De Kronieken van Jezus

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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive