I was writing in a mind-construct in a lesson of Desteni I Process and here I started seeing how I sabotage my own common sense within projecting my own experiences that are coming up within me, on my own (words of) common sense and here keeping myself in a circle of self-sabotage and keeping myself ‘imprisoned’ in a way in cycling in my own experiences that I keep on projecting on my own common sense and from here, manifesting these experiences through resonating this within the speeking of the words of common sense. I have copied here the serie of self-forgiveness where in this became clear for myself (related to an every day life example of a situation at work that I used to write out because I noticed that I was not clear and stable in that specific moment). It is giving an example of how effective the writing can support in seeing within myself in what I am doing inside and so creating outside as ‘the reality of myself’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel relieved because this situation is almost over and at the same time feeling guilty of what I see that I have created as the other leaving, without using the time effectively, where in I see now that it is merely based on a lack in communication that I actually did ask for as in making an appointment but that I communicated within a reaction inside and so, I merely communicated the resonance of my reaction and not so much the common sense within my words, where in the ‘feeling guilty’ is about my reaction that I communicated, that I then start projecting on my own words in common sense and from here, starting to ‘doubt’ my own words of common sense and project this ‘feeling guilty’ on my words of common sense and then carrying this as a memory with me: feeling guilty about a question of planning an appointment (and perhaps leaving in that moment) and in a then next situation, feeling ‘scared’ to ask this again because I have connected and loaded this question within myself with experiences of guilt and doubt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my own common sense within projecting my own energetic experiences coming up within myself, on my own words of common sense and within this, start to doubt my own words and common sense and keeping the experiences of guilt and doubt existing within me and then resonating this with words of common sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect my own words of common sense with resonations of experiences as doubt and guilt and fear, and within this, every time that I speak common sense, bring forward a resonation of doubt, guilt and fear and so actually and merely communicate the experiences of doubt, fear and guilt and then triggering this within another as well and at the same time, keeping these experiences of guilt, doubt and fear intact, because I again then feel ‘guilty’ about what I bring forward and about the situation that it creates and here again, start ‘doubting’ myself and ‘fearing’ to bring up anything that I see as words of common sense, but at the same time, not being able to stop myself from speaking these words ‘right now’ because the related experiences are almost like a pressure ‘to speak up now’ and so, I have no direction about my timing in speaking words of common sense.
What I also find is that this is of influence on the timing of when it is best to speak and when it is best to wait a little and align myself to the situation and the dimensions that I see involved. This timing I have recently started to open up within myself (as well as in a blog here), as I see that within an misalignment within my timing of ‘speaking up’ as a voicing myself, I create most consequences within my communication in relation to others.
To be continued.
Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
The Secret to Self-Realisation:
Proces van wereldverandering: