Dag 804 – The importance of my starting-point

Continuing on Dag 803 – Redefining relationships with the support of interviews

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actively define what I would like to live in a relationship-agreement and to somehow expect that I / we will find out along the way, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that within this, I automatically follow all the subconscious / unconscious (pre-)programs and only through ‘living them out’ learn to know how and where I am following ineffective programs within and as my mind and integrated within my physical body and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start with sex / physical intimacy and from here, trying to create a mutual supportive communication, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have turned around the entrance-point, as the physical intimacy should follow up on mutual support, intimacy, trust, freedom etc and so becoming a physical expression of all these qualities developed over time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if not effectively building / developing a communication based on qualities like trust, intimacy, freedom, support, then eventually, the physical intimacy will stagnate, because one cannot lie in sex / physical intimacy as the body does not lie and so, at some point, the physical intimacy can no longer ‘save’ the relationship from an ineffective communication and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter the physical intimacy from a starting-point of fear, thinking and believing that “I / we will never be able to make it and so we better get out of it as much and as far as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I will not be able to build / develop an effective relationship-agreement with another as a partner, based on mutual support, trust, freedom, intimacy etc as I do not see how all and everything will come together in this, meaning, a ‘liking’ of each other, our place in process and developed skills, our practical situation in this world, the will to create something more and so, I on forehand compromise myself in my potential and start somewhere in the middle, to at least then being able to create some of the physical intimacy that I see that should be possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start in the middle and / or at the end and so already from the start, sabotage my own potential which then also reflect in the relationship and within another as well, both being limited in our expression and creation because of the limited starting-point in it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on an end-goal of ‘wanting a relationship with a partner with physical intimacy’ and so projecting a goal outside myself, instead of focusing on my expression and development along the way, such as sharing, self-trust and trust, freedom from a point of self-honesty, intimacy in small moments, mutual support etc and from here, walk day by day, week by week, until it’s done and if not done, as far as possible, because in the end what matters and has an effect on myself, my life and on others and their lives, is who I am in every moment of self-creation, in and as a self-agreement and from a starting-point of what is best for all as life and to be able to do this, I have to face and let go of a fear that I ‘will never make it’ and one thing is for sure, if I go on as how I am used to / have allowed myself to be programmed, I for sure ‘will not make it’ as the best of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let ‘fear of failure’ rule me (read ‘Failure in Relation to the Soul‘) so that it is not up to me ‘failing’ if the end-result is not how I perceived, because in fact, I did not ‘do my best’ from the beginning / within my starting-point / in who I am; although it looks as if I do the best I can, it is more a ‘trying to make it work’ with what I have started, from a self-dishonest / misaligned entrance point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I experience an emotion of for example missing or sadness, to think and believe that I did something wrong and so ‘not what is best’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the emotion shows a part of myself that I have separated myself from and so, I firstly need to bring the piece back to myself where from here, I am better able / enable myself to direct myself in a way that is best for myself / all selves (and where a real missing still can exist as well).

It are somehow all obvious points on a conscious level, yet at the same time, it is needed to self-forgive, redefine and bit by bit, living the correction, because the ‘obvious’ is turned around and ineffectively programmed and followed up by me on deeper levels, within and as myself.

To be continued.


Proces van zelfverandering:
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De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive
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Dag 775 – Building self-trust within the living of principles

Isn’t that what we are all looking for eventually? The certainty that we can trust ourself, no matter what happen? Having a self-direction on which we can rely in any given situation? This does not mean that we cannot ask for support when and as needed; this is also part of a self-direction, where we direct ourself towards an asking for assistance, as we do not need to see and ‘know’ everything alone by ourself.

I have noticed for myself that I am most certain when I know what to do and where to go and when and where to look and ask for support, if and when some unexpected issues are coming up. This is for example at work, where I am in an area that I am well educated in and within the activities, there are clear cadres of what needs to happen. Or I notice this for example when I am around with someone who has ‘the lead’ and who knows what to do and where to go and then most optimum if this someone is also taking the participants (and so me) into consideration.

I have noticed the opposite in myself in situations where I am without any cadre or subject to speak about, without anyone that I know, where I become all focussed on my own consciousness and how uncomfortable I experience myself within. So I have no ‘blue-print’ for such situation and also no ‘map’ as clear guidelines layed out.

And what to do then? Here I have noticed that it will be of support to at least, have developped some principled guidelines within me and having developped the ability to ‘fall back’ on myself within and as the awareness of myself in who I am and what I stand for.

What are principles?

Principles I would describe as ‘rules’ that are considering what is best for life as a whole – so the ‘life’ within as well as without. This is such a wide description, because we then first have to look and define what this life actually is and entails and how we exist as human beings within a mind-being-body trinity within and as ourself. Practically seen, it should be a rule that for example when we are with two, you and me, that I can bring in a rule that works for both of us with the focus on our being coming forward within and as our physical body, where in we actively align our mind with this self-expression.

What can be a practicle example: when you and me are going to share diner together in the evenings, and I have always diner at 1700 and you at 1900; first thing that comes up is to have diner at 1800 – that would be ‘fair’ and ‘in the middle’;  but what if you are only at home at 18.30, then this is practical not possible and I need to align to the hour of 1900 if and when we want to share diner. Then if my bloodsugar level is starting to give problems, meaning that my body needs food earlier to function well, then I can decide to eat a small meal at 1600 and then eat again at 1900 and I need some time to adapt myself and my body to this or, if I really find it difficult to physically adapt to this time, then we can decide to still eat separate.

This is a very simple and practical example and in reality, there is much to consider in all kind of situations. It is mostly working if both are willing to consider all aspects and to place ourself in another’s shoes so to speak but, what is vital in this, is to not feed that what we ‘prefer’ in and as energy in our thoughts, feelings and emotions and that we firstly look at a physical, practical outcome that supports the ‘physical life’, inside and outside ourself.

And this is where we all need to re-educate ourself, because we have been ‘educated’ to focus on ‘how we feel’ emotionally and on ‘what we think and what idea we have about something’; so we mainly have been educated to focus on ‘our own mind’.

Back to the topic of ‘building self-trust’ – within following our thoughts, emotions and feelings, we are not really building the self-trust but more, the ‘trust’ towards our mind in ‘how we feel’. And ‘how I feel’ is mostly different than ‘how you feel‘ and so it is difficult in this to come to an agreement that is supporting both our physical body and beingness-expression coming through in this. And, we also find that our emotions and feelings ‘fluctuate’, so I am not constant and trustable if I follow ‘how I feel’ in a certain moment, also because ‘how I feel’ is many times activated by an outside trigger-point and then a memory is being activated.

So, I need certain ‘guide-lines’ or rules that are based on what is best for myself in and as my physical body and that is taking into consideration how my mind-being-body relationship is set up and then how I need to direct myself in this towards an outcome that is substantial and long-lasting, for myself and/as others and/as this physical life as a whole.

This will then start making me trustable for myself as well as for others and in this, I will be able to build myself in and as self-trust; trusting myself as a living being in consideration of all living beings in and as the physical, starting within the very small within myself and in my direct environment.

Well, a lot to consider here and it is only possible to walk it as a process, breath by breath, day by day and every time expanding in awareness and understanding what principled living actually means in thought, word and deed.

Desteni I Process gives a practical guide-line in learning how we function and how to direct ourself within the mind-being-body relatonship and as example I place here My Declaration of Principle.

Embracing Self by Bernard Poolman


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video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 767 – Seeing beyond abandoned into myself

Dag 765 – Abandoned

Dag 766 – What I find related to the word ‘abandoned’

In the two blogs before I have in the first blog written an introduction of looking at the word abandoned and in the second blog, opened up what experiences I found related to this within myself while bringing this into self-forgiveness, so actually enabling myself to let go the emotional attachements that I could see stored within me related to ‘abandoned’.

From here I will describe how I support myself to see and move beyond these emotional attachements and to practise to no longer ‘abandone myself from myself’ in this area.

I remember Bernard saying something like ‘eventually you will have a relationship with Desteni’ – especially for those who are looking for a relationship and bumping on the tools that are provided within Desteni and then having a tendency coming up to place the relationship with another above the relationship / agreement with self, like I tend to and perhaps many females but also males with me.

I have walked and am walking this process on many levels, from the beginning 6-7 years ago that I started my ‘Desteni I Process‘ and actually already before. On a consciousness level I knew from the beginning and before, that the self-agreement should be the first and foremost agreement and without this, no relationship / agreement with another will keep standing on long-term. However knowing this on a consciousness level and really living it in real life, between this, I have found so many dimensions to forgive and correct myself within as there is quite a lot that I have misaligned myself in on subtile levels, deep suppressed within me that I need to first uncover, then embrace, forgive, correct as ‘seeing another way’ and at the same time, a whole new area of redefining and bringing myself into a living application of no longer compromising myself, my relationships and another in and as life.

I still did not really understand what Bernard ment with his specific words although I saw the truth in it from the beginning. This is my strength in walking this process; that I see the truth as ‘what is real’ in the information that is provided as self-support and so I have opened myself for everything that is provided, altough I may not yet completely see, realize and understand what is ment with it; then from here, I bring it into myself, I keep it within myself and investigate what it means for me, until the moment that ‘the coin falls’ (mmmm in Dutch we say ‘het kwartje valt’) meaning, until the point that the information grounds and makes sense within and as me and then I have integrated it within myself and am I ready to start and practise ‘living’ the principle.

So the coin has fallen, het kwartje is gevallen (Dutch) after I had written these words to Sylvie – and up until this moment, I noticed that I felt almost quilty about standing within this relationship with Desteni no matter what, as if I did not leave room for others to come into my life. I did see in this moment of realization, that the decision for me to really see, realize and understand and then live, is that I will not accept and allow to develop an abusive way of living into my life; and Desteni is standing for oneness and equality in and as life, on all levels of existence and so, my relationship will be ‘with Desteni’ as this represents a relationship / agreement within and as self that is eventually best for all in and as life, aligned with our ‘beingness’ coming through within our physical bodies and aligning our mind to a way of self-support, instead of self-sabotaging.

It is the only long-lasting solution as it includes all life and so, a relationship with me, means that within the relationship, I will bring in the principles that I stand for and as and that I am practising myself as well, together with other people walking their journey to life. So actually it is an invitation to stand as the solution with and as self, each on the location-point of where one is in his or her process.

And wow is this challenging for me, because within this I will have to walk through a ‘fear of loss’ and this I find related to an experience of ‘being abandoned’; however I also see that it is the only way because only when standing (up) myself, a relationship that I am part of will stand the test of time.

So, now I can skip the ‘feeling guilty’ for my relationship with Desteni. Same as the words of Bernard that I remember as ‘it is nothing to be ashamed of to stand for what is best for all’. Strange how we have stored these experiences within self, in and as the mind, where we have ‘turned around’ and ‘turned against ourself’ that what is actually best for all, as even experiencing guilt or (false) shame when and as I / we stand for a long-lasting solution. There is one deep experience of shame that we should take into consideration as real and essential, which is the ‘real shame‘ of the abusive compromises that we have accepted and allowed on many levels, within and as ourself, within our relationships and in this world as a whole.

This is actually the correction as seeing and then moving beyond an experience of ‘abandoned’ that I have walked so far within and as myself. To see, realize and understand how I had misaligned and so ‘abandoned’ myself in a way, from standing as myself as the solution that is best for all, without using experiences of quilt and shame as a way to doubt myself and what I am standing for and why I am standing for this solution. As Gian said to me a while ago in another context: ‘trust yourself’. Also these words come up within me in many moments lately. The solution now is and will be, to in real life, live this correction moment by moment, word by word, breath by breath and to keep pushing myself to do so and to more and more move to this point of oneness and equality, in and as myself.

Through the years, I have brought myself into a position of self-trust in walking this, as I have proven to myself and I am openly walking this to check in for others, that the principles and tools provided by Desteni, are standing within and as a starting-point of equality and oneness and so it eventually will bring forward a result of equality and oneness, if and when applied towards and from this same point of integrity within and as self – while walking through all the layers of illusions and mistakes within and as self, day by day. So there is no need to feel quilty about ‘my relationship with Desteni’ or shame about ‘standing for a solution that is best for all’.

I will keep on using my physical body as a guideline to open up points within me and continue with investigating what parts I have ‘abandoned’ myself from and from myself, in and as my mind-being-body relationship.

Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
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www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

Dag 693 – Het leven van woorden: vertrouwen (2)

trust-fear

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb vertrouwen te associëren met ‘trouwen’ en dus aan trouw in relatie tot een ander buiten mij, in plaats van het direct te zien als een trouw zijn aan en als mezelf en hierin vertrouwen te hebben en leven, zowel voor mezelf als voor en naar anderen toe en dus, vergeef ik mezelf dat ik mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard heb door een associatie binnenin mij van het woord vertrouwen aan ‘trouwen’ als een verbinden met een ander, niet in staat te zijn (geweest) om het woord vertrouwen in en als mezelf te leven ter ondersteuning van de zelfstandigheid binnenin mij/als mij.

Wordt vervolgd met zelfcorrigerende uitspraken en een herdefinitie van het woord ‘vertrouwen’

Voor gehele blog zie: Dag 692 – Het leven van woorden: vertrouwen (1)

Als en wanneer ik mezelf zie deelnemen in een ervaring van wantrouwen naar iets of iemand buiten mezelf, dan stop ik, ik adem.

Ik realiseer me dat ik in een ervaring van ‘getrouwd zijn’ zit ten aanzien van dit iets of iemand en dat ik mezelf relateer aan dit iets of iemand buiten mij.

Ik realiseer me dat ik hierin mezelf verbind aan iets of iemand buiten mij en hierin mijn zelfbeweging afgeef aan dit iets of iemand buiten mij.

Ik realiseer me dat ik denk trouw te moeten zijn aan dit iets of iemand buiten mij en zie in mezelf waarin ik mezelf ‘getrouwd heb’ aan iets/iemand buiten mij en met welke woorden/gedachten/emoties/gevoelens ik dit doe/gedaan heb.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel, de verbinding met iets of iemand buiten mij waarop ik mijn wantrouwen projecteer, te onderzoeken en zien waar en waarmee ik mezelf verbind/relateer aan iets/iemand anders, welke woorden, gedachten, gevoelens, emoties, aannames en geloven ik hiervoor gebruik en ik stel mezelf ten doel te vergeven wat ik tegen kom als verbinding in en als de geest en zo mijn zelfbegrip te vergroten.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel, mezelf trouw te zijn door mijn expressie niet langer te relateren aan wat een ander wel of niet leeft en in plaats hiervan, te zien waar ik voor sta en hoe dit in expressie te brengen in overweging van zowel mezelf als het geheel waarin ik me bevind en hierin stel ik mezelf ten doel mijn verliesangst van iets of iemand buiten mij onder ogen te zien, te benoemen en vergeven voor en als mezelf zodat en waarin ik me niet langer laat belemmeren door deze angstervaring binnenin mezelf en in plaats hiervan, mezelf ondersteun om (op) te staan en mezelf uit te drukken met behulp van levende woorden als richtlijn.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel om, als en wanneer ik mezelf zie wachten op een benadering van een ander, te stoppen, te ademen en te zien wat mijn beweegreden is om te wachten op een ander, of dit overeenstemt met mezelf in waar ik voor sta en om te zien hoe dingen zich ontvouwen zonder mijn interventie, of dat ik in een afwachtende houding besta en dingen verwacht van iets of iemand buiten mij die ik eigenlijk zelf zou kunnen doen en ik stel mezelf ten doel mezelf te vergeven voor hetgeen ik verwacht van een ander.

Ik realiseer me dat ik de oplossing ben voor wie ik wil zijn in zelfexpressie in overweging van het leven als geheel en dat dit zo is voor ieder-één, echter ik kan dit alleen voor mezelf realiseren en toepassen.

Als en wanneer ik mezelf zie deelnemen in een angst dat een ander weggaat en ik hierin mijn zelfexpressie inhoud vanuit de gedachte dat een ander weg zal gaan als ik me uitdruk, dan stop ik, ik adem. Ik realiseer me dat als ik mijn zelfexpressie inhoud en ik mezelf hierin onderdruk, ik ‘weg ga’ bij mezelf en dit is feitelijk het enige waar ik ‘controle’ over heb als zelfcontrole, namelijk het bij en als mezelf blijven staan in principes die zowel mezelf als een ander, substantieel in overweging nemen; substantieel bedoelende, als wat er werkelijk en blijvend toe doet en dus, stel ik mezelf ten doel mezelf uit te drukken vanuit principes die mezelf als geheel in overweging nemen en niet langer vanuit angst als energetische aanhechting in en als de geest.

Ik stel mezelf ten doel om, als en wanneer ik mezelf zie deelnemen in een poging/gedachte om een ‘ander te vertrouwen’, te stoppen en ademen en eerst eens stil te worden in mezelf. Ik realiseer me dat ik boosheid ervaar in de gedachte dat ik een ander zou moeten kunnen vertrouwen en hierin zijn er dus gedachten/aannames, gevoelens/emoties waarvoor ik geen verantwoordelijkheid heb genomen binnenin en als mezelf en dus stel ik mezelf ten doel, mezelf te vergeven voor wat ik ‘zou willen’ maar ‘niet heb’ waarover ik dan boosheid ervaar en waar dit vandaan komt, welke gedachte/aanname hieraan ten grondslag ligt. Ik stel mezelf ten doel, de gedachtes die ik heb aangenomen als waarheid, te vergeven voor/als mezelf en in plaats hiervan, een woord te plaatsen die mij ondersteunt om mezelf uit te drukken, los van het verleden en de beperkingen die ik mezelf hierin heb opgelegd en in overweging van mezelf als geheel in hoe ik zou willen bestaan, onafhankelijk van hoe een ander wil bestaan maar wel in overweging van de betrokkenen/leven als geheel.

Vertrouwen:

De beslissing om mezelf uit te drukken vanuit principes waarin ik mezelf als geheel in overweging neem en zo, hierin tevens een ander/het leven als geheel en in gelijkheid betrek en hierin het ‘trouw zijn’ aan mezelf en aan de principes waar ik voor sta, onafhankelijk van wat een ander doet, zegt of leeft maar wel in overweging van wat een ander inbrengt en in overweging van de omstandigheden, zodat er van hieruit een algehele benadering naar voren komt die het beste is voor alle betrokkenen en het leven als geheel en van hieruit, de mogelijkheid om iets substantieels geboren te laten worden vanuit en als mezelf in zelfexpressie, stap voor stap, dag voor dag.

How to Redefine a Word (free webinar)

desteniiprocess00

The Self-Reward: You reap the rewards of your Self-Living/Labour in establishing this Faith as Living Trust in/as who you are, what you stand for/as and actually bring forth, through Living Action, change in this world/reality. A Practical measure for Faith redefined is that, you have the Trust in you as you walk and prepare yourself in this process, that: who you are within what/how you live will come to fruition and that nothing will/can change unless you put the living effort to do so – writing, communication, expanding, courses etc. – becoming an expert in Living; and so eventually it will not only be self that benefit, but also those that walk with you as a Living Example of LIFE/Living Faith as Living Trust in/as Self. And we come together and stand together to get ourselves / life on earth sorted out, for ourselves and all as ourselves.

Uit: Redefining Faith, Belief and Believe: DAY 285

School of Ultimate Living


Proces van zelfverandering:
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www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
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www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://bigpolitiek.blogspot.nl/
http://livingincome.me/wiki/The_Living_Income_Guaranteed_Proposal
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation

Uil forgive

Dag 596 – The mind-body relationship – Hope

hope

After writing the last blog about the need for specifity, I saw how this not applying at first, is related to hope. I saw this when I read the text of the Life Review ‘What if…’ and how this is related to hope.

Hope that it is possible in another way, hope that I do not need to do so; to apply this specifity with regards to food, hope that ‘for me it is different’, hope that there will be a miracle in some way, as how I hear sometimes from others as in ‘I took out the dairy and my intestine-problems are solved’.

Here I will apply self-forgiveness on the experience of hope within myself in relation to the condition of my large intestine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in an experience of hope that it is possible in another way to ‘solve’ the problem, other than being consequent and specific within my application of taking responsibility for and as myself as who I am, because when and as I look at others, I see that they do not have the same complaints and that they are not so specific and/or, that others do – from my perspective – only need to make one adjustment or only adjustments in their food, to improve a physical condition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others/what I see in others without realising that I only see one dimension and also, through my own interpretation in/as the mind which does not give a map of the whole situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be totally specific but only roughly and so, I can not come to specifity as how is needed to really support myself within the mind-body relationship, as I see that I need to be specific on one area as a start, to be able to go into a deeper level within me, through the layers that are build specificly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can do everything ‘roughly’ and following the basic, without going into specifity, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I will be able to go from basic more into depth specificly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am not specific, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the application specifies through time by walking constant and consistently into more detail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be specific as this ‘costs’ me a lot of effort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘want to be at first line for 10 cents’ as how in Dutch one says as a proverb which means so much as wanting to have the best result without putting in the effort to attain this potential within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for not being specific enough, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can learn to be/become specific and that specifity is build through time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel useless because of not having a ‘specialization’ in the area of natural medicine where I work and connect this with not being specific, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am walking myself into more specifity day by day into this new area of the mind-body relationship that has not so much been explored in total specifity thus far.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in walking this process specific enough to get into clarity for and as myself because I did not see anyone in the area of natural medicine walk the mind-body relationship specifically, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that with putting everything together that I have walked and that I walk/will walk, I will be able to be/become more and more specific in relation to my own physical body and the function of the large intestine.

When and as I see myself participating in an experience of hope, I stop and breathe.

I realize that I am waiting for something ‘as a miracle’ that solves the problem, instead of walking what is needed specifically in relation to the mind-body relationship, in who I have become in/as the mind within and as my physical body in and as the application of self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements on my acceptances and allowances in participation in thoughts, emotions and feelings through which I seperate myself from a direct seeing into and as myself and my physical body.

I commit myself to walk day by day and to forgive and correct myself in the mistakes and misunderstandings that are causing a consequence on my physical body and so, on this physical as a whole until I am able to prevent myself from going into reaction as a  ‘mistake or misunderstanding’.

I commit myself (to learn) to prevent myself from creating consequenses on my own physical body and on this physical existance as a whole until I am walking in and as breathe as prevention, by taking responsibility for and as myself by preventing, so stopping myself from going into reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe, because I have already gone in reaction, I have to go on and on without seeing where to go, instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that the further I go, the further I have to walk it back and walk through consequenses in and as my own physical body.

When and as I see myself going on and on in reaction, I stop and breathe. I realize that I need to stop anyway and so, I stop, I breathe, I let go and apply self-forgiveness on the mistake that I have already made by stepping into a reaction. I realize that only when and as I stop myself from following this energy, I am able to see what thought has triggered the reaction within and as me and from here, I will be able to apply self-forgiveness effectively and so, specifically. I realize that I am still speaking from a starting-point of fear when and as I am going and speaking in reaction as a fear of not going to be heard when I do not speak up now, where in I am creating that what I fear as ‘not being heard’ because I speak in reaction which is causing reaction through which one cannot hear. I realize that this is not necessary, that this fear is not needed and I have already seen and realized in a more surfaced dimension how to walk into a more stable situation when and as I am stable in and as myself, taking responsibility for the whole situation in and as my ability and so, I commit myself to see what it is that I do not want to take responsibility for, what it is that I judge/fear in a deeper layer/dimension and to take time to walk this through, to see, realize and understand what it is and apply self-forgiveness on the thoughts as fear while walking into more self-trust in real time application.

When and as I see myself participating in a thought that I do not have a ‘specialization’ in the area of natural medicine, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am specifying myself in understanding myself within the mind-body relationship and the influence on the large intestine and that the ‘specialization’ is existing in and as myself in my own application of self-forgiveness and self-correction into physical equality and oneness and so, I commit myself to walk from ‘specialization’ in/as the mind into specifity and detailled application in/as the physical, using the condition, the changes and level of stability of my own physical body as a point of cross-reference.

I commit myself to make it an effort to really stop myself from going into reaction and speaking in/as this reaction to prevent creating more consequenses in and as my physical body and so, within this physical existence.

So, I realize that a miracle or ‘one moment’ is not coming or solving anything as I need to walk breathe by breathe, moment by moment and within this, take responsibility for and as myself within this physical condition in every related area including the food I take and my living situation – the who I am within – is as a guideline for the points that I need to forgive, correct and change within and as myself.

I commit myself to bring and keep my focus on myself in who I am within a condition and situation, instead of focussing on the situation and/or condition.

writing

The mind-body relationship – Timeline

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.

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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
Leefbaar Inkomen Gegarandeerd:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/

Day 374 – How Every Breath Counts

(written sunday evening – uploaded on monday)

This week I faced a point of how every breath counts, and how a decision of ‘not being here for a moment’ can harm another life. As in this specific moment I decided to not be here for Roos the quinea pig, who was persistant asking for my attention, and I misinterpreted this, which was because I was not here but instead in the mind in and as an experience of ‘not now for a moment’ (‘nu even niet’). Last months we had build a relationship in trust, and when she came to me walking in the kitchen, I took her, or I walked with her and gave her one more piece of food, things like that. This evening it went on and on and I suddenly decided that ‘it was enough’ for a moment after all the intense care-taking for the animals and their physical condition last weeks; I became irritated by her poo that was laying in the house and was becoming a little more thin, and for the rest, actually for no specific reason. So I took her back several times, and when she did not stay in her place, I put some wood before it. Even then she was making some noise to get my attention, I registrated this but ignored this, seeing this as a way to let her become quiet (which is actually turned around, as I should become quiet in this). She suddenly jumped in the hay, and became quiet. And I became quiet as ‘satisfied’ too. I decided for one time not to check on her, as I ‘did not want to start it all over again’.

Next morning, Roos was lying on her back in the hay, very cold, not able to move. She was barely alive and I took her out and gave her a more comfortable place.  And suddenly the whole picture became clear. She wanted to get my attention because she was going to die (she was old and I knew this was coming some day). And I ignored this somehow. Slowly this dripped into my mind, how I was not here for her, how I ignored listening to her for several reasons/reactions inside myself, in and as patterns in the mind. How through this, I missed out seeing if she needed some assistance, to lay down comfortable, and I missed out her expression in that moment. Maybe I would not have understood that she was going to die, but we could have sit together for a moment and I could have seen if she needs assistance. She did exactly what she always did to get my attention, only more prominent and persistant, as this is what we build trust in, what she could trust me on, that I would listen to her, as I did all the time. However in this crucial moment, that she could perhaps not take care of herself anymore and may have needed some assistance, or just only wanted to express herself for the last time to me, I looked away; I looked in and as the mind instead of looking to Roos in and as her physical expression.

It is not acceptable to miss a moment of breathe; one cannot be trusted if one miss moments of breathe. It seems a very small point which can be questioned as ‘my interpretation’, but I notice in myself that this is a crucial point that has different patterns related in it, and it’s a confrontation with and as myself, a face to face with who I am and who I am not in every moment. I cannot yet be trusted as life, and Roos has suffered from this; and I am suffering from this, and so everyone is suffering from this.

Roos would have died anyway the same day, that is not the point. The point is a deliberate decision of not being here for a moment to listen unconditionally to who has placed/is placing trust in me and is asking for my attention.

There are, as I mentioned, patterns in it, and I will walk through this patterns one by one to become responsible for this points within myself so that I can correct myself in this and stand up in this, to become trustworthy, every day a little more.

(Note – afterwards I see that i made a decision ‘to let her for a while’ out of knowledge and information; and within this I was believing I was doing the right thing, and so approached her and the situation in and as knowledge and information, and within this, these patterns were all going to play a part, and I was not able to approach her physically and so missed an important point/moment in and as support, for myself and for Roos. I will walk this also in another blog, it may be in Dutch again).

Roos gave me a very tough lesson in this, just as her mother did when she died. Everytime an animal that I take care of, dies, I face points in myself that need correction, that are very deep down rooted in myself, and that I do not really want to see and so ignore, which leads to the ignorance of life. As shown in this event. These two quinea pigs were really prominent in this. Which could have been different when I am here, in and as breath, in every moment, in and as the physical instead of in and as the mind, constricted in patterns. Which is only possible if I totally face myself as who I am, who I have become. Because if I do not face myself in the darkest night, I will not be able to change myself, which will always lead to harm as ignorance of another life and/as life in general.

I feel like I can mourn about this over and over again, but this will not change anything, not for Roos, not for me, not for anyone and so this will not be of assistance to life. I only compromise my own body in this, as I feel I am already doing. In this event of her death, Roos gave me the opportunity to really see how every breath counts and what the consequenses are of not being here in every moment because of being constricted in the patterns of the mind. And it’s up to me to decide Who I am in this; am I giving in into emotions and regret, or am I standing up and transform it into a gift of life? Am I accepting the gift of life that she is giving me with her life and that I ignored right before she died? Am I really stopping myself in and as self-interest as reactions so that I do not feel the need anymore to stop as control the expression of life?

Thank you Roos for living with me. I really enjoyed it.

Related blogs:

Inconsideration & Consequence

Mourning as Excuse to have Pity-Party

Two Dutch blogs about Roos:

Dag 373 – Roosje is dood – feiten en ervaring

For assistance in walking the mind-patterns:

Desteni-I-Process – Lite (free course)

Desteni-I-Process-Pro

Walking in self-support with a buddy is really a support to stand up in the process of facing self in self-honesty.
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PENTAX Image
PENTAX Image
Roos (brown) en Vrouwke Bep (her mother)
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Mogelijkheid tot wereldverandering met gelijke kansen voor ieder-een:
www.equalmoney.org
Equal Life Foundation:
https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation
Proces van zelfverandering:

www.desteniiprocess.com
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY
Proces van relatie naar agreement:
www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships
Zelfeducatie free:
www.eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.net
www.desteni.org
Journey to Life:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
De Desteni Boodschap – Wat doen we ermee?:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/dag-235-de-desteni-boodschap-wat-doen-we-ermee/
Zelfvergeving als Toegift aan jeZelf:
https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/dag-299-zelfvergeving-als-toegift-aan-jezelf/