Dag 771 – Timing

What I find often within myself is how I tend to want to speak about something as soon as possible, as if I have to do it now, otherwise it is too late. This is then still fear-based in some dimensions and in this I will miss some dimensions within myself to consider, which will have a consequence, for myself but for others as well.

I also find, if I am not really sure about the consequence outflow of my words, where I see that this that I can not see, may have a harmfull outflow, that I better give myself and the situation some more time to unfold. This is ofcourse only possible for situations where a conversation can take place later, as there are and will be situations where a decision needs to be made in a certain time-frame or even ‘right now’.  But this is not what I mean here with my tendency to want to speak about something right now or as soon as possible’.

I actually fear an outcome here in one way or another or, I fear a confrontation, where I then want to have it done as soon as possible, to free myself from the uncomfortable experience of uncertainty and anxiety or nervousness within myself. However when I come forward with aconfrontation from this starting-point of fear, I will afterwards, have a longer and ‘lingering’ outflow of unconfortability, where in I am rewalking the situation over and over again in my mind, trying to make peace with myself in the fact that I did not give myself more time to consider every visible aspect or, to wait (if and when possible) if I see that I do not have enough information about the effect of my words or decision. So it is then a ‘waiting’ for more data / information , to have a more considered timing for a converstation to take place in a way that is causing the less possible friction or turbulating effect.

Timing

I find it not so easy to find the timing but I do see that this is related to my own anxiety and uncomfortability when having to confront myself in a certain situation. So it is also possible that I delay to bring something forward, in trying to prevent friction and conflict and then from here, it is possible that it comes out in a moment because the delaying has given an accumulation of the nervousness and anxiety within myself. And when I started with a bad timing, I make it more difficult for myself to then bring it back in timing / alignment with myself again, as I am sort of running away from admitting to myself that I from the start, did not consider every aspect and did not consider or apply the best timing that I already had seen as possible but that I found myself unable to apply.

It may be so that the outcome of it in general may be the same, because what is triggered inside, is already inside and it needs to come out anyway somehow. However at least for myself (and so probably also for others involved), it will prevent a lot of turmoil and uncertainty and experiences of guilt and regret and ‘reliving’ of the situation in my mind, over and over again, to find out if and where I could have done different.

It is so much of a learning process and I find ‘timing’ one of the most challenging points – not so much in my actions but mostly in the timing of my words – where I actually find it challenging to on forehand, become calm and stable and certain in what I want and who I am, as what I see that is standing within the principle of ‘best for all’ as best for myself on longterm. It actually has to do with self-trust; to trust myself in walking breath by breath and not ‘walking ahead’ in my mind and then ‘wanting to get it done’.

What I see is that within this ‘rushing’, I try to get away from taking responsibility for myself within self-honesty, so I try to avoid my own self-honesty and the possible outflow, where in what I see in self-honesty, may not be aligned with what I prefer and if that is so, then I need to let go that what I prefer because on long-term, my self-honesty is what I will keep standing in and as, as what is best for myself as life. And this self-honesty is also ‘layered’ I would say, as if in each layer that I  walk through, there is a point of honesty that I may need to reconsider and go to the core of myself in what it really is that I can do as best for myself on long-term and to find out what is coming forward out of myself in my comfort-zone and what is really and truly my utmost potential in this specific moment or situation and how I am going to walk this.

To be continued

Desteni I Process


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7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
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Dag 741 – Can I learn to empathize?

Certain people are ‘by nature’ more empathic than others. It can be so because of how one has grown up; it can be pre-programmed. This doesn’t automatically mean that one is doing ‘what is best for all’ as then again, one can be for example ‘over-empathizing’ and forget to take care of oneself.

However, what if you notice that you do not really be emphatic by nature and so, noticing that this has consequences for others and for self as well? What if you ‘don’t feel’ what it means to be empathic, if you do not ‘feel’ what others may need for example and so, easily walk over others without even noticing?

I can start with an example of myself in this. I can say that I am empathic by nature, I also am a female, who often have learned to develop some empathic qualities. However I have also noticed an aspect within myself where I easily and automatically, could let someone ‘drop down’ or ‘fall down’, within the thought/believe that some can or should take care of that aspect within themselves, without looking further within their nature for example and seeing if they may need some support in this.

Within this, I did not ‘feel’ that I ‘wanted to help’, coming from a starting-point that we each should take care of ‘our own business’, as how I have developped this within myself. What I did feel in this, is quilt, for not being helpful enough, for not giving enough, although no one really had said such things to me. It was more existing on a subtile level where I somehow saw that I could do more but I did not (want to) do this and did also not know how to take this on. With the consequence that I also found it more difficult to receive ‘help’ from others as I found that I did not deserve this (because I was not giving it eather).

So this gave a subtile conflict within myself on the background that was interfering within my social interaction and communication in many ways.

I have in real time walked a path to correct this; first with animals, where I for years, have taken care of quinea pigs and rabbits that became older and needed a lot of support where I had ‘to give it my all’ to get them through as long as possible. I also have walked a relationship with someone who needed a lot of support that I ‘did not feel like giving’ and that I actually ‘did not really want’. But, I did, because then I already understood what it means to start walking by principle. Understanding meaning that I understood the theory of this.

With the animals, I had to step out of an experience of feeling paralized and not being able to take action, also related to a limited amount of money to spend for physical support and from here, not knowing where to start when an animal became ill for example. I have walked many situations with these beings and it was amazing to do this. What was supporting me here, is that I did want to do it for the animals as I really and naturally ‘like’ the animals but I had to step over idea’s of ‘how much you spend and do for an animal like a rabbit or a quinea pig’. Strange idea’s, as if these little animals deserve less care than a bigger animal or a human being. But there was also a fear of ‘not having enough for myself’ in this as a point of self-interest existing within me.

Within the relationship, I learned to walk it because I could see the consequences of what would happen if I would not do the best I could and especially I learned how this would reflect back on me within myself, staying busy with doubts and questions about myself, where experiences of guilt were keeping me busy and eventually ending up within the need to ‘go back and correct myself’ and do it over again. We can also call this a ‘timeloop’. I mainly experienced this whole pattern as a ‘fear of loss’ within me and so, the ‘fear of loss’ did have been the motivation to push myself to do better and still does in many moments – to eventually and while doing so, come to a point of creation, free from this experience inside myself.

But, I did not do this because it felt natural or because I naturally wanted this. I did do this because I had learned – while walking this relationship – what it means to walk in principle and I saw I could do better. So I did not need to ‘feel’ it but could make the decision to walk it anyway, to support another (and so myself) where I can within my capacity and of course from a starting-point of common sense,  to not ‘help’ another with things that another need to learn for self but to support where another did not yet have developped an effective application and where I did not have developped this as well and so, ‘supporting another’ was/is the development in itself for myself as self-support.

This is the great thing about principled living, that in the end, the self-support is supporting another and supporting another, is supporting self.

Why am I writing this blog?

To bring forward that if and when we do understand what it means to walk by principle and when and as we have made the decision within ourself to stand by this and do and develop this every day again, that it is possible to learn for example what it means to live ‘empathy’, not because we ‘feel empathy inside ourselves’ and whatever this may mean, but from a starting-point of ‘giving as you would like to receive’ and ‘considering another’ from a starting-point of principled living within equality and oneness, where every living being deserves to be treated with support where needed and where self-honestly possible.

When I had walk through all of this (it took several years all together), I did came back to my self-will about what I want, within my life, within a relationship and with who I want to walk this, while testing what is practically possible and taking the time to see who I am willing to stand by and walk with as myself and who is willing to do the same with me. However I did have to let go of personal preferences for several years, to be able to stand up and keep standing within my utmost potential and the challenges that this gives every day.

So, empathy does not so much contain an experience or a feeling – although it can be a starting-point for those who do experience this naturally. Empathy can be practically learned and applied within a starting-point of principled living as what is best for all. These principles, they can be described, tested and cross-referenced within a self-agreement and from this agreement with and as self, it can be expanded towards an ‘agreement’ with others (family, friends, colleques, intimate relationships), as simply ‘rules’ that are considering all participants in a way that does not leave anyone behind without being heard or seen but at the same time, supporting each other to create a self-responsibility and self-dependency where needed, to be and become able to stand on our own two feet.

There is much more detail to write about this empathy. Here is a link where one can start walking this agreement within and as self, by first understanding the theory of how we actually function as a human being and also a link to a document where the basic-principles are described and commited to stand by. Without this support, I would not have been able to stabilize and grow as how I did so far and I am very much still learning and expanding in this, still with the support that is available within Desteni and that is practical and applyable in our every day live.


Proces van zelfverandering:

http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive