Dag 762 – The word behind ‘waiting’

Within my last blog I opened up some dimensions or aspects of the word ‘waiting’. What I see is that behind the word waiting, there is another word ‘waiting’ for me to open up; a word that is related to how I experience ‘waiting’ in certain occasions. The word behind it is the word ‘worry’.

I am aware of the information that as well my mother as my grandmother, did participate a lot in an experience of worry. My grandmother was – in my eyes – open about this, she called my mother every day when she was older and living alone after her husband passed away. My mother was keeping it more inside from my perspective though was also showing it. An example is that she for example could not sleep before I arrived at home in the night as a teenager/young adult. But, if she knew I was sleeping somewhere else, she did sleep. So here I see it is also related to a ‘waiting’.

I did experience resististance to this ‘worry’ about me during that time, however I do very well understand it now more and more and how it is not so easy to direct oneself in this experience. I see myself worrying the most when I do not have information about a certain situation. So when for example someone who is close to me, is not approachable and I do not have the information about what is going on and so I have to ‘wait’ for more information or communication, then the experience of worry is coming up. Or when an animal is becoming sick and I am not yet sure what to do or what is goingand what the outcome will be, I start to worry.

What I already see is that it is related to a lack of insight and information that gives the experience of worry within me and then a fear of loss is coming up. Here I start to participate in the experience – or let’s say even ‘state’- of waiting, as a waiting for the information opening up so that  I can make a plan of approach and direct myself in this. In this time of not yet having the information, I start participating in a ‘state of waiting’ and ‘not finding myself’ being able anymore to focus on something else and so to direct myself in this. I become then completely occupied in/as a mind-state or experience that is influencing who I am and what I do.

When I write this, I experience it as ‘impossible’ to really change this in myself to no longer participate in an experience or state of worry in a way that influences me on who I am and what I do, however in knowledge and information and from a point of common sense, I know it is possible to learn to direct myself in this, altough I do not yet see how this will be. So I can only work with the tools of now opening up this programming within me, within the writing and then starting with self-forgiveness on this deep ingrained experience of worry behind the waiting. Where I then actually am ‘waiting’ for myself to direct myself, so within an experience of worry, I am ‘waiting’ as well.

In next blog I will open up more within the application of self-forgiveness on the experience of worry and from here, see the next step in this process. Let’s start with making the ‘seemingly impossible’ possible; by walking into the unknown of how to do this, yet having the tools of self-support to guide myself in this.

Desteni I Process


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Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
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The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
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Dag 761 – Opening up the word ‘waiting’

From what I have understood from a horoscope that has been made of my birthdate years ago and what I have kept with me, is that there is a theme within the familyline, within my grandparents marriage, that played a role with them and that plays a role within me as well. This is about the balance between voicing myself within a partnershap – where I tend to do this too little – and voicing myself in a work environment, where I tend to ‘speak up’ too strongly.

It is not so that I take a horoscope as an absolute guideline, but what I find interesting in it is that a theme like this, can be used as a point that needs my attention and understanding to resolve within and as myself.

Related to this, I remember my grandmother mentioning more than once the words ‘well, then we keep on waiting again’ (‘dan gaan we maar weer wachten’ <Dutch>) where this was related to something in her marriage where she more or less needed to wait untill her husband gave ‘green sign’ for something so to speak.

This brings me to the point of how I am living the word waiting within a relationship. I do not like to ‘wait’ with bringing up something, I actually want to immediately speak about an issue that gives some friction and I experience a lot of impatience within me when a partner is not willing or ready to open up on something. This is mainly because I then have already resolved the point within myself and then ‘I am ready’ to speak about it. Where I also remember that in the year before my start of walking the Desteni I Process, I was many times not ready to open up and let go of some beliefs and related feelings or unresolved emotions. It basicely ‘hurted’ too much to speak about it with common sense and I needed time to firstly embrace and process the related experiences. So what I see already is that, when and as I am in an experience, I am not so much willing to open up either.

It is more that an experience of fear that is coming up when I do not have the information of what is going on within another close to me and what the consequences are of this. Basicely I fear to ‘loose the relationship’, where my impatience is then based on a point of self-interest and so I am not really standing in understanding and support for another unconditionally; something that I am very well able to if the other is not so much ‘close’ related to me and my daily life.

Let’s start with self-forgiveness on experiences coming up here within me:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like dying and feeling this physically at the height of both the upper corners of my large intestine and feeling like it is too much, like I cannot handle this or accept this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given up completely in this experience of it ‘being too much’ where in I then conclude that I have given up on myself completely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on cycling in drama of the experience or idea of giving up on myself completely, as if I can never fix this again or as if I can never forgive myself in this because I actually do not exactly see how I did it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself a victim of the experience or idea of giving up on myself, where in I do not see where this starts as why I did it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep searching for the reason of giving up on myself and the experience of dying, instead of voicing myself out of it and moving myself foreward to what I see that is best to do, no matter how I feel or where I come from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my emotions as a reason or excuse to not move myself forward, where in I am locking myself in, in an experience of despair of not getting out of this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel through and through victimized in this point of ‘waiting’ within and as myself.

What I see here is that I have strengthened a main-system within myself through spiraling down in emotions where in I lock myself in, within secrecy actually, as a hidden and locked system within and as myself where there seems no way out.

What I also realize is that being open and vulnerable is a solution to work with and something that can be practised in a partnership, but actually in any relationship or situation that I am in – according to what the situation and/or relationship allows in that moment as I cannot now blund jump in and ‘be open and vulnerable’ where ever I am. This needs to be approached within alignment and common sense. However, Life is open and vulnerable and living these words can be of support to move myself out of the comfortzone of ‘how I feel’ or out of a general experience of ‘waiting’ for a ‘confirmation’ before I move myself or voice myself. I see it is more a decision of moving myself into the direction that I see required and from a point of self-trust to do so, as the only way actually to establish the self-trust as well.

To be continued.

Here are some blogs to be found that describe the encryption if systems from Creation’s Journey to Life and a paragraph out of it that we are actually walking now in real time in this physical existence:

(…)

So, back to the Encryption point: so as we take down these Encryptions and we have already taken down virtually all of the Encryptions of the Interdimensions, of Multi-Universes of…you cannot even begin to Comprehend, from a Human perspective, what has actually existed. 
So, for some years now we are busy with the Physical Encryption. A little bit more difficult, because – you have to take down the Complete Program, Decode the Encryption; and – these Programs are Programmed to Activate similarly, to say, the Seed of a Plant. The Seed of a Plant requires a certain amount of Rain, a certain amount of Heat, a certain type of Environment before it Activates and it Grows. 
The System is Designed like a Plant. It requires a Very Specific Environment before it Activate. So, before we can Find the System, because it’s hidden into uncountable Dimensions – we have to first Create the Environment within which the System Activates. And when the System Activates – we can find the bloody thing. When we find the bloody thing, then we can deal with it, Decrypt it, take it out. And then – we have to take it out in the Physical, because it is a Physical System that is Creating Control within the Physical. And as you’ve Noticed, that stuff is like Really Effective. 

Taking out a System in the Physical, is like walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. It is absolutely Hell, because – the Physical Body Believe itself to be the System. So, you have to get it to See, and Realize that it is Not and that it can be something else, because it’s Complete Image and Likeness, it is the Physical. And then, you have to take it out – and its got to then Willingly Release the System and itself from the Ideas and the Ideologies that the System Represents…and only then, can the System be Removed. 

How long will this take us? We don’t know. We are working as fast as possible, as fast as the Physical can Recuperate. Because, after every event – the Physical needs to Repair itself. 

So, this is very fascinating stuff – we are Moving and Removing this. And eventually, it will Assist in allowing the Human to See what they have allowed. So slowly but surely, like pulling hens teeth, we are Moving, little step at a time, baby steps at a time, Forward. 

From: Creation’s Journey to Life: 301: The Encryption of Systems (Part Two)


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive