Dag 771 – Timing

What I find often within myself is how I tend to want to speak about something as soon as possible, as if I have to do it now, otherwise it is too late. This is then still fear-based in some dimensions and in this I will miss some dimensions within myself to consider, which will have a consequence, for myself but for others as well.

I also find, if I am not really sure about the consequence outflow of my words, where I see that this that I can not see, may have a harmfull outflow, that I better give myself and the situation some more time to unfold. This is ofcourse only possible for situations where a conversation can take place later, as there are and will be situations where a decision needs to be made in a certain time-frame or even ‘right now’.  But this is not what I mean here with my tendency to want to speak about something right now or as soon as possible’.

I actually fear an outcome here in one way or another or, I fear a confrontation, where I then want to have it done as soon as possible, to free myself from the uncomfortable experience of uncertainty and anxiety or nervousness within myself. However when I come forward with aconfrontation from this starting-point of fear, I will afterwards, have a longer and ‘lingering’ outflow of unconfortability, where in I am rewalking the situation over and over again in my mind, trying to make peace with myself in the fact that I did not give myself more time to consider every visible aspect or, to wait (if and when possible) if I see that I do not have enough information about the effect of my words or decision. So it is then a ‘waiting’ for more data / information , to have a more considered timing for a converstation to take place in a way that is causing the less possible friction or turbulating effect.

Timing

I find it not so easy to find the timing but I do see that this is related to my own anxiety and uncomfortability when having to confront myself in a certain situation. So it is also possible that I delay to bring something forward, in trying to prevent friction and conflict and then from here, it is possible that it comes out in a moment because the delaying has given an accumulation of the nervousness and anxiety within myself. And when I started with a bad timing, I make it more difficult for myself to then bring it back in timing / alignment with myself again, as I am sort of running away from admitting to myself that I from the start, did not consider every aspect and did not consider or apply the best timing that I already had seen as possible but that I found myself unable to apply.

It may be so that the outcome of it in general may be the same, because what is triggered inside, is already inside and it needs to come out anyway somehow. However at least for myself (and so probably also for others involved), it will prevent a lot of turmoil and uncertainty and experiences of guilt and regret and ‘reliving’ of the situation in my mind, over and over again, to find out if and where I could have done different.

It is so much of a learning process and I find ‘timing’ one of the most challenging points – not so much in my actions but mostly in the timing of my words – where I actually find it challenging to on forehand, become calm and stable and certain in what I want and who I am, as what I see that is standing within the principle of ‘best for all’ as best for myself on longterm. It actually has to do with self-trust; to trust myself in walking breath by breath and not ‘walking ahead’ in my mind and then ‘wanting to get it done’.

What I see is that within this ‘rushing’, I try to get away from taking responsibility for myself within self-honesty, so I try to avoid my own self-honesty and the possible outflow, where in what I see in self-honesty, may not be aligned with what I prefer and if that is so, then I need to let go that what I prefer because on long-term, my self-honesty is what I will keep standing in and as, as what is best for myself as life. And this self-honesty is also ‘layered’ I would say, as if in each layer that I  walk through, there is a point of honesty that I may need to reconsider and go to the core of myself in what it really is that I can do as best for myself on long-term and to find out what is coming forward out of myself in my comfort-zone and what is really and truly my utmost potential in this specific moment or situation and how I am going to walk this.

To be continued

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Dag 358 – Impressed by the interpretation of the impression of others

https://i1.wp.com/www.tekstblog.nl/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/stempel.gif

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself impress by the impression of others as what they speak in words about me within and as a statement and/or retoric question towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impress myself by my own impressions as reactions as thoughts, feelings and emotions in and as the mind of what others may think or feel about or through me which I interpret on my turn in their words and tonality within and as a statement and/or question towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hurt by my belief in the value of judgements of others, and to protect me to not feel hurt anymore, I produce judgements as value to feel better, as a way to control, as a way to be ‘first’ to protect me from this experience of hurt inside myself, to rather place value and/as judgement as a way of control than to feel lost in this experience of hurt again, in and as a belief in the value of judgements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel physical paralized in and as fear of the self-interest of others and/as myself, and in this, start judging everything I fear, as a way to protect myself to not experience this fear for and as the pain that my believe in the value of judgements gives, not seeing, realising and understanding that in this way, I keep on judging myself as others and so I fear myself existing in/as self-interest.

To see beyond the balance of judgement, beyond the balance of the polarity that is existing within the belief in the value of judgement as more or less than me. The Design of Polarity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself less than my believe in the value of judgement, and so within this, always have and create an experience of ‘loosing’, which is actually an experience of loosing myself in a believe in the value of judgement, in and as the mind, and within this create an experience of hurt, in which I generate energy inside myself and so, I can feel better again within and as myself existing in and as the mind, in and as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the value of judgements in and as a way to control life, not seeing, realising and understanding that within this, I suppress myself as life, I ‘hurt’ myself as life by impressing my interpretation of the impression of others onto myself as life and inprinting this in my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow others as/and me to exist and express in and as judgement, coming forward out of fear to loose myself in the hurt that is caused by the belief in the value of judgements, not seeing, realising and understanding that by allowing judgement, I allow fear of loosing myself equally within this, and so with making more and more judgements, I make more and more  fear, which is accumulating over time until I exist in and as fear in and as control in and as this physical existence as it exist today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the tendency to crawl into bed under the blankets and not come out again until this experience of fear has fade away, in which I believe the fear is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the fear I experience is real, which I use as an excuse to not stand up and correct in every moment what I see that needs correction in and as a judgement in and as myself which has caused the fear to exist.

*

When and as I see myself pulling back as suppressing myself because of being impressed by words or an retoric question from another towards me, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that the words every one speak, are an expression of every ones selves, which are impressed on something seen in me as the other and so spoken as if it has something to do with me, but it has not, it is their interpretation of what they see in and as me.

I realize that as long as we are directed by the mind, and speak words in/as a judgement in/as the mind, we speak about ourselves and our words are related to something in/as a judgement in ourselves, in which the word ‘judgement’ means something we give more or less value to and so we are not standing equal to and one as this ‘something’, which we recognize in another person as a reflection of our own personality, and so we tend to impress this something on others as an interpretation.

I realize that if I react to words, spoken as and in the mind, I relate these words to something in/as a judgement, meaning I give more or less value to it, and so I need to investigate all relations with the word I react to and/or with the person as I see as a personality who speaks the words and/or the tonality that all together triggers a personality in me, and so I need to do self-investigations on all these aspects related to this specific moment.

When and as I see myself reacting in thoughts, feelings and/or emotions on the words and/or tonality in a statement and/or a retoric question from another person, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I react in and as an interpretation as a judgement in and as the mind, which I use to control my own reactions inside myself, in which I impress/supress myself in and as self-expression.

I realize that by protecting myself in and as a an interpretation as a judgement, I hurt myself and others in and as a way to control, ‘to be first’, and so within this I do exactly the same that I am protecting myself for in the first place, which is the doom of self-interest, attacking myself and/as others in and as a way of ‘protection’ in and as the mind, in and as control, giving value to judgements as interpretations and opinions existing in and as the mind.

I commit myself, when and as I feel myself reacting as pulling back, to stop and breath. I let the words flow through me, and see what reaction comes up in me, as this is that ‘something’ that I can and need to work with. For the moment, I stop and breathe. If I am clear, I speak up, if I am not clear, I stay in silence and support myself to become clear and stable in this situation. Eventual, I stand up and walk away, breathing, applying some self-forgiveness on what I see coming up. I flag-point this moment and if and when necessary I write it out later to see myself in this, to set myself free from the limitations in and as reactions on the words and/or tonality of another person by applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements, and in the next time in inter-action in a similar situation with another person, I see if I have been effective in my application and be stable, or that I need to do some more investigation inside myself to become stable and clear, in and as myself.

I commit myself to investigate why I supress myself in and as reaction instead of standing here and see what it is that I fear to become hurt by, what it is that I belief and within this, what it is that I give value to in and as a judgement, in and as the mind. I embrace myself in this, I let what it is that hurts me, flow through me while I am breathing, so that I can see directly into myself in this, and really forgive myself untill no reaction is coming up, so that and in which I enable myself to correct myself in physical reality.

When and as I see myself existing in fear, wanting to crawl in bed under the blankets to not come out until the fear fade away, I stop, I breathe.

I realize I experience accumulated fear which becomes overwhelming when it is triggered, in which I believe I have to correct ‘everything’ in one moment, which is a projection in and as the mind to enlarge en enhold it’s existence in and as fear.

I realize that real self-correction correction takes place breath by breath, and standing up in this goes easy, quiet, in a move, and only the mind on forehand is giving a lot of noise to create and stay in fear.

I realize that I can embrace myself and lay down, breathing, holding myself, but, that I cannot crawl under the blankets and stay in the bed, as the fear is not fading away by itself, it will only be suppressed in and as the sleep comes up, and so it will come back, even more accumulated.

I commit myself to embrace myself, hold myself, move myself, forgive myself if and when existing in fear and/or hurt. I breathe, I apply self-forgiveness on specific thoughts/feelings/emotions, triggerpoints that I see and come up, I see what is supportive as self-correction, I feel in my body where the fear is manifested and realize that this is related to old experiences as judgements that I gave value to in and as a believe in and as the mind, which I suppressed and so stored in my physical body. So, it takes time to walk this through, to write it out, to forgive myself, to correct myself, breath by breathe, as a support for and as myself, with and as this fear, not resisting it, as resistance will only enlarge the experience.

And first of all, I commit myself to STOP and BREATHE, to eventual speak some words in common sense to myself and within this move myself OUT of this fear existing in/as the mind. I allow myself to move out of this state of mind.

rode goedgekeurd stempel

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