Dag 764 – It’s a decision

One of the things that stand the most by me from the words of Bernard are the words ‘it’s a decision’. Actually everything, who we want to be, how we want to live, how we approach others and the world around us – it’s based on a decision. However what we have learned, is that it is based on ‘how we feel’ or not feel and what we think about something or someone. This goes so automatically and fast within ourself, that we are not really (or not at all) aware of the motivation behind our words and actions, behaviour and choises.

In the past, we have made many ‘decisions’ based on painful experiences and then we created thoughts and behaviour as a way to try and control our environment, to not experience this pain again and so actually, our unaware ‘decisions’ are very much based on a protection and defense mechanism. At some point later in life, if often comes forward that these ‘decisions’ are not practical anymore and actually working ‘against ourself’ as well as ‘against others’. Because these ‘decisions’ are once based on ‘exclusion’ from the one who did some harm to us, instead of bringing the pain back to self. This can be developped in many situations, from very small moments where we did not understand what was happening in a moment, within ourself and for example felt rejected, to the really emotional or physical abusive situations that do happen so much in this world that is based on inequality and misunderstandings.

So the protection and defense mechanism could be valid as ‘understandable’ and even necessarry in the past, however there comes a point in our lives where we are asked to be ready and willing to bring the pain back to self and take responsibility for ourself, in who and how we have created ourselves from all these moments in the past, in a way that is not best for all, but still only protecting and defending ‘our own good’ so to speak which goes hand in hand with attacking another who is questioning this ‘good’.

I was writing self-forgiveness in in a timeline of a mind-construct last week and came to a moment of decision where I saw that my behaviour, is unacceptable. It took me months to come to an understanding of myself in my behaviour, although I had seen already long before that something did not go well in certain moments.

It was in a moment in the working-environment that I am not satisfied about and that I experience as ‘unfair’ but that I can also not practically change and so, I was kind of ‘stuck’ in how to stand in this and behave. And this prevented me from seeing into myself as who I am in that moment and the will to change in this, because I found that ‘I had the right to do this’ in some way. And so it took me a deep introspection to come to the point of seeing that I was actually on a very subtile level, abusing a situation and (business)relationship in the vulnerability of the interdependency that we existing in within actually all relationships. I made a difference of how to be in different relatinships and so, I actually let the relationship determine ‘who I am’. I did not make a clear decision about ‘who I am’ in every relationship and allowed a small backdoor within myself in a (business)relationship where in another is more dependent on me (for money), to behave from a starting-point of ‘having certain rights’, where in other relationships where I am more dependent, I suppress these reactions within me.

Once I saw the point of abuse in it, through the extensive and structural writing and/of self-forgiveness within the lesson, I saw the solution: it’s a decision and I am the solution in who I am in that moment; it’s not possible to change the practical aspects in it and it is unacceptable to live out my dissatisfactions, so there is only one (practical) solution: ME and the decision to no longer accept and allow myself to live out this pattern of abuse, no matter how subtile and no matter ‘if I am right’ in a way.

From here I now need to practise and live this decision in reality, so I need to everytime decide to ‘act on my decision’, to make it a real and living decision that is visible in physical matter and what I find as well is that I need to come to this ‘decision’ in many different situations, moments and relationships, through seeing, realizing and understanding myself in each of it. (…) So I have an overall decision of the will to make the best of myself and come to a living of decisions of what is best for all in every moment and within this ‘will to change’ as a starting-point, I walk many moments towards a point of seeing myself, from where I decide to stop the abusive or ineffective pattern and thus change. This shows how extensive and detailed this process is to come to a point of practical, visible change in all aspects of our living.

Once I come to such point of insight, I find myself being more stable and solid, as now I have found a point that I can stand in and stand up from in those moments. There is often so much resistance experienced towards a point that needs introspection, however once through, it gives much more trust and satisfaction within and as self. To come to a decision that is best for all, I need to take off the layers of energy created around it and an effective way to do this is the application of self-forgiveness, so that I can come to a point of really seeing, realizing and understanding what I am doing in such moment and then, I am able to make the decision or actually in that moment of seeing myself, I have made the decision, to stop the abuse in this certain situation.

Desteni I Process


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

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Dag 751 – It is too much to write it all out – is it?

Here I would like to share how I have walked through the experience of that it is ‘too much’ to let’s say, get more insight on how I participate in my thoughts, feelings and emotions and ‘how much work’ it is to deconstruct the limiting expressions within myself and then reconstruct it in a way that is considering and caring, as how I am in potential able to as a living being.

I do like the writing, as well of the lessons as of the blogs and at the same time, I do experience signs of resistance. So even if I ‘like it’ there is a resistance coming up that can show for example in becoming very tired suddenly, the moment that I am sitting in front of my computer with my lesson opened. Or ‘not knowing what to write about’ for a blog is also a common one; or what I do see coming up within me, are thoughts as ‘it is too simple, everybody knows this already, no one is interested in this’, things like that. I see that it is a part of a self-sabotage but I find this the most difficult one’s to walk through.

However, the writing, I also experience as ‘a lot’ and with every new lesson, I still see myself looking at ‘how long a lesson’ is or ‘how long a mind-construct will be’. (A mind-construct contains the ‘laying out in a structured way of writing’ of a certain pattern that we participate in and that is limiting for ourselves and so within the writing, we can see and learn to understand how we have build up a certain pattern and behaviour where in we take responsibility for it within the application of self-forgiveness and self-corrections).

At a certain moment I had to let this go as an ‘limiting experience’ with my first mind-construct. In the end, the mind-construct did become as long as 200-300 pages in a word-document and it took me three years to write it out and walk through in real time. During this process, I had to let go any hesitations with regards to the length of the writing and I just took it on, week by week writing a piece. I wrote a piece, needed to walk it through in real time and then could move on to the next piece. And so on. This all with the support of a buddy who is reading with me, so in a way, I am walking it by myself but I am not walking it ‘all alone’. Let’s say, there is a ‘witness’ which is an essential and very supportive part of this process.

I find it extremely supportive as within the deconstructing of the mind-patterns in such a structured way, I am able to see into layers that I do normally avoid. In general I am someone who is quite intro-spective through my days but however and of course, I will also avoid looking at certain behavioural patterns within myself. So that is also making clear why the resistance is coming up as such a strong ‘tiredness’ for example when I start writing on a timeline in a mind-construct, where this is pointing out that I am on the ‘right spot’ to open up a limiting pattern.

I did finish the mind-construct and I was so happy with it. This has learned me to not look at the amount of writing that needs to be done or may need to be done and create experiences related to it but instead, to just start writing. We do not know when and if we ‘finish’ it, as when are we finished? The more we go into the depth of ourselves, the more will open up in deeper layers to explore, for ourselves but also to learn to stand as a point of support for others. With the blog-writing it is the same, as we have this ‘7 years’ writing standing as a guide-line; this means 2555 days of writing / blogs. I am now at day 751 and am only writing one blog per week, due to others activities during the week. So, looking forward at ‘when I would be finished’, is not so supportive for myself. Because, I may or may not finish the amount of 2555 blogs in this physical life-time.

However, I did finish a 29 long blog-serie, related to 29 sound cloud records. And this I find supportive and stimulating to move on as well, as when I take it on one by one, I do finish small projects and during the way, I every time and within every blog, notice the self-support in it.

I had a teacher at the art-academy 25 years ago and when I came up with an idea, he several times said to me ‘okay, just start with it’ and here I learned to start what I have as idea to create and then along the way, it becomes visible what it will be. With the writing I see the same. Some projects get stuck and fade away, some projects I will finish but overall, I do keep on writing and walking this process from consciousness to awareness and then learning how to support myself with living words and bring myself back to life so to speak. This will happen ‘along the way’ so while doing and not only ‘at the finish’.

In many situations, I see that my mind is working with terms as ‘finish’ and within this, I am mostly projecting an experience of fear, as a ‘finishing of the energetic existance and experience’ that I have participated in for so long. It is simply all that I have known so far. But this does not mean that I as a living being, will ‘finish to exist’ when and as the energy runs out. However, this can only become visible…….. when and as the energy runs out. So it is a nice catch in itself. No proof on forehand but only a self-proof while walking and applying.

There are several courses and paths available as self-support, as well as many interviews to listen


Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

 

Dag 626 – “Hey, I have changed!”

change-gifI was reading a few old blogs from myself where in I walked a process with the animals. Here I have written pretty much about how I ignored life in a point at a crucial moment and how I did not accept that anymore from/as myself.

Now, more than a year later when reading back, I see that I really walked through this point and changed myself within. I am not deliberately ignoring points anymore by going into my mind. I am not saying that I am aware all the time, that is still a process that I am walking. But I see that within the point of ignorance of my responsibility in a certain moment I have seen what I did wrong, I faced myself within, I have written it out, walked through the experiences coming up within myself, forgiven myself, written the corrective statements and most important, made the absolute decision to change in this point and from here, I changed.

I notice that when I am at a point of really seeing what I have accepted and allowed within myself, facing myself within the unacceptable and understanding what it contains, what system I am participating in, in/as the mind as distraction from myself and within this understanding / forgiving myself – from here the decision is absolute, it is enough and enough is enough and from here, I change in real time, immediately and it is simply not an option anymore to live out  the destructive pattern again. There are moments coming up where I have to push myself through and do things that I ‘do not prefer or like’ and there may be mistakes that I make and need to forgive and correct myself in and deeper dimensions can/will come up to investigate, but it is not an option to not doing it or to even consider to not doing what is needed to be done within this point.

And from here I become more quiet, more satisfied with myself. In this way I build in and as self-trust and from here I can take on the next point, and the next and the next. And this innitiate point is not an issue anymore, it is not a problem anymore but it is something that I decided to live and that I from here, live and integrate in what I live/how I live/who I am.

And this is very cool to notice. Not because ‘it is so cool and wonderful that I have changed‘ but because it is so cool that I have changed within/as this point, which contains that I am not living this destructive pattern/behaviour anymore where in I hurted myself and another as life.

Here I see the effectiveness of walking this process of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrections together with walking this application in real time moments and integrating this as a ‘way of living’ as what is best for all in/as life. It are the very painful moments where real shame comes up, where in I face myself and if I dare to look, to see myself, to experience the pain and shame, to forgive and to admit to myself that I did it badly wrong; these moments I have found as the turning-points to immediate, real change that will function as stepping-stones to walk on and to keep on walking and forgiving/changing myself while moving through the challenging times.

Here the words ‘change is possible’ become true as real for/as myself and from here I start ‘believing’ as seeing that change is possible, where it is not an assumed/accepted believe in/as the mind but a living proof in/as myself that I walk and integrate and after several time walking, I notice: ‘hey, I have changed within this point and I am living this change without it being a mountain in my head to look up to’.

So for this, I really recomment Desteni I process and walking this process for yourself together within a group of people as mutual support, as support for and as life to stand up for what is best for all. Which includes everyone and everything.

full_robot-virgins-together-alone

Download this great song, it’s free. Let’s decide and learn to stand together alone.

Read: The Secret to Self-Realisation.

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Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com  GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://bigpolitiek.blogspot.nl/
http://livingincome.me/wiki/The_Living_Income_Guaranteed_Proposal
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/BasisinkomenGegarandeerdDoorEqualLifeFoundation

Uil forgive