heaviness | Reis van ziel naar Leven

I have started the topic of depression in a vlog and want to share how I have experienced this in my life and how I supported myself through these experiences during that time. In this blog, I will start writing out some background information how I have experienced the ‘depression’ in my life.

I will start with an example of what I have seen as the difference between a clinical form of depression, where in one is unable to get out by oneself without any medical and specialized support and the ‘depression’ as phases in life where in one is still able to function, communicate, take care of oneself and finding ways of self-support, but more experienceing oneself as without any life-motivation and joy, which is as I see now, still present but more internalized and suppressed. It is all based on my own experiences and so not absolute in when it is time to get support, as this is something that needs to be approached individual, however with describing my experiences, it may support to find some reference points in this.

I have seen myself going into being more ‘self-conscious’ and struggling with internal experiences and issues from the age of 13 and 16 – yet I am busy walking this within myself so I leave this for now. What I do see as a ‘severe’ form of depression coming up, was after I have used some extacy. It was the first time and last time for me, somewhere around my twenties. A group of friends planned to use this and initially I should not be with them, as I did already see in myself that it was not really something for me to try out. However an appointment that I had planned was canceled and so I choose to join them.

Why I mention that ‘it is not for me’, is that I did see a fear within me to ‘get stuck’ in it and ‘keep hanging’ in an effect of using extacy. However I did join because I did not want to be alone at home after my appointment was canceled – also not the best starting-point to join in.

We were at the home of a friend and all taking half or even quart of the extacy pil that someone of the group had picked up via some contacts. After about an hour, I felt like ‘cold blood’ in my arms, which for me actually is an indication that I had taken too much. I had a few moments of this ‘bliss’ or joy that I saw every one else going into and that is ‘common’ for using extacy, however my main experience was that of almost loosing control and seeing bad things happening in my imagination, like a car accident. Someone had mentioned that if one had a ‘bad experience’, one should start walking rounds. And so I did, together with one other friend who did not had much of an influence of this extasy. And this ‘saved’ me in a way; every time I felt like loosing control, we walked rounds from room to room, until this experience faded.

Next day I was working (dishes in a kitchen of a restaurant) and here from time to time, a very deep experience of depression came over me, altered with a few moments of this ‘joy’ as how I assumed it should be. In these moments of severe depression, I could barely focus on anything. I remember someone was showing me some earrings and I was focussing on watching the earrings as a way to keep myself together. It luckily only came up for 15 minutes and then faded away. If this would have taken longer, I don’t know how I would have come through. However it did not and so I was able to move through. It seems like a disbalance or ‘drop down’ of serotonine and after a few days these moments stopped with only the firss day being so severe.

If this is what a clinical depression is experienced as, I can fully admit that in this, one is not able to function or come out of bed. I have not ever again experienced such heavy ‘shut down’ almost of myself. In my horoscope I did understand later, that there is some disposition for clinical depression, however because of where my moon is standing strong (full) in my horoscope, I am and have been able to endure through the ‘heavy’ or dark times.

I did keep a fear for depression after this, where for example I did rarely smoke marihuana – which I also did not really like – I experienced a slightly same ‘loss of control’ and becoming more focussed on my own mind, so this substance was not for me eather to use. I did go out a lot during that days and the only substance I did do ‘well’ on and that I used to ‘let go’ in a way from being so self-conscious, was alcohol.

After my twenties I started to bring down the going out and alcohol intake, up to now very rarely drinking a glass of wine. However with doing so, I had many years where I needed to find other ways to ‘relax from myself’ in a way and to for a moment ‘let go’. Which I must say, I did not really succeed in for quite some years. And so I did experience quite some moments of heaviness during my thirties.

I will continue with this in my next blog.

In the links above in the text, you will find some interviews for self-support with regards to the experience of depression and if one place ‘depression’ in the search-area of Eqafe, there is more coming forward. Be sure to have medical/professional support (as much as is possible) when you see this is needed.

Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY(Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus

Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
https://nl.gravatar.com/ingridschaefer1
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/326696524041028/

The Secret to Self-Realisation:
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/02/day-311-secret-to-self-realisation.html

Proces van wereldverandering:
http://basisinkomenpartij.nl/

Uil forgive

heaviness Andrew.jpg

(Art by Andrew Gable)

There started a serie interviews through the Portal within the series of The Atlanteans about Heaviness and also in a chat in the physical health group of Desteni, the experience of heaviness is mentioned by several participants in having an influence on the physical condition. For myself as well I see the experience of heaviness related to physical conditions and here I decided to start to open this up within writing.

I do not have a clear overview from how this experience of heaviness is related to my physical condition so I start with the things that I do see, I start with what is here.

Problem:

What I do notice is that when my body and especially my large intestine is not having an optimum movement, I experience myself within my body as very heavy and almost not able to move myself. Each step is an effort and I prefer laying down instead of standing or walking and breathing is more difficult. Which is not so when I feel physically ‘good’, I then enjoy standing, walking, breathing.

I see here how this is already a consequence of what has happened before within my mind, that I did not effectively direct within and as myself but more suppressed it and so, I actually make my body literally heavy by suppressing the emotional energy, putting it on my body and in this case, on my large intestine where I store the energy. This I experience as a ‘cramp’ in the muscle fiber of the large intestine, well this is how I see it this far. Then when there is bowel-movement, it passes this area, this cramped muscle fiber where the energy is stored; the movement pushes the waste through this narrowed area which gives experiences of physical pain (because the passage is too narrow for a comfortable bowel-movement in several places at such moment) and also, each time the waste is passing this area, it ‘touches’ the emotional energy that is stored there.

Here I tend to not want to move physically to prevent myself from experiencing the physical pain/discomfort and emotional energy stored within my body and so the ‘delay’ enlarges and eventually, becomes worse. This is giving an overal experience of heaviness on a physical level that eventually gives an experience of dullness and ‘sleepiness’ in/as the mind. When I then sleep more than physically needed, I suppress myself/my beingness within/as the mind and so, it becomes more difficult for myself to access the suppressed emotions. It is suppressed within my body and ‘hidden behind’ the mind-body defense mechanism.

Actually the whole body is interconnected so if this situation stays too long, it will influence other body-functions as well. In this way it becomes a circle in itself which needs to be accessed to create some movement somewhere to be able to open up the mind-related points and suppressed emotions. It needs a constant pushing through to not stay in this physical heavy experiences, that in itself can create a fear again and a ‘constant moving out of fear’ that then in itself contributes to the constriction on a physical level.

In the next blog I will start with some self-forgiveness on the overal experience of heaviness to release the emotional energy as how is suggested in this interview to start with as part of the solution. Here in I will also start to investigate the suppresion of emotions as negative energetic experiences stored in the body and the polarity with the feelings as positive energetic experiences in/as the mind.

The mind-body relationship – Timeline

Related blog about my physical body and the interconnection with my mind and being:

Dag 672 – My mind-being-body awareness speaking

body-organs

Disclaimer:

This blog does in no way contain a medical advise. With unclarity about a condition – physically or mentally – always contact a practioner/specialist/doctor in the related area to get the support you need and from here, see how you can additionally walk your own process to get to know and support yourself in relation to your own body and mind.

————————————————————————

Proces van zelfverandering:
http://desteniiprocess.com/courses
www.lite.desteniiprocess.com GRATIS ONLINE CURSUS MET BUDDY (Ook in het Nederlands!)

Zelfeducatie free:
https://eqafe.com/free
www.desteni.org
De Kronieken van Jezus