This blog is related to record 1. Introduction
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience it as ‘too intimate’ to speak about the process that I have walked with regards to the years of fertility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe ‘one does not talk about these things’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the process that I have walked as a waste of time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shame about compromising myself in the process that I have walked with regards to the years of fertility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear of being nailed to the pillory when and as I openly speak about the process that I have walked with regards to the years of fertility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it ridiculous to talk about and think ‘why should I share this, it doesn’t matter so much’, while at the same time I see that it does matter, that for me it is a way of support to open up and walk through the details and points to take responsibility for.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that what I share is so ‘child-like’ and that there are more important things to share and that ‘others are sharing more interesting processes’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to share because I notice within myself that there are some energies related in and as the mind and I don’t want to share from the mind in and as energy, I want to share as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still feel some emotion coming up at the end when I listen to myself speaking that it is not really possible anymore to bear a healthy child (because the period of fertility is at it’s ending) where in I do not even would define it as ‘sadness’ but more as a ‘loss’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret for not having been able to full-term a pregnancy and give birth to a child – for not having the tools for self-support and being able to effectively support myself while I was in the years of fertility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that what I have walked is not good enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I could have done better.
When and as I see myself participating in a thought as belief of something being ridiculous or not important to share, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am participating in a sabotage pattern within myself that I better not participate in as this is preventing me from sharing anything from and as myself. I realize that within the small, there is an opportunity to transcent because, we start creating ourselves and our lives from the small. I realize that I cannot directly share from myself as a being, as first I need to walk through the mind and take responsibility for the energies coming from thoughts, feelings and emotions within me and so, while walking and sharing, I will slowly see myself coming through as me as directing this process. I commit myself to walk through all the records and apply self-forgiveness on the energies coming up and coming through and from here, use it as self-support to stop the related separation within and as myself and coming more towards and into expression as myself.
When and as I see myself going into a thinking of it not being good enough what I have walked, I stop and breathe. I realize that everything that I walk is ‘good enough’ as it is how it is and that it is not so much the outcome that determines who I am but what matters, is who I am within and how I take responsibility for myself in it within the small aspects. I commit myself to walk with what is here within and as myself and take responsibility for who I am within what I walk, from the small to the big.
When and as I notice an experience of something being ‘too intimate to share’ within me, I stop and breathe. I realize that we are not used to openly share about what is really going on within ourselves and I realize as well that what I share in relation to the years of fertility and the process that I have walked, is something that many women can to some degree relate to and as well for men, it can be supportive to better understand what the women may go through and so, it is a very common thing to speak about that may be of support as well for others who are also experiencing it as ‘too intimate’ to share or speak about.
When and as I experience a regret of not having been able to effectively support myself while being in my fertile years, I stop and breathe. I realize that this is the reality of what we as humanity have accepted and allowed on earth and within and as ourselves to exist and create and so, I as well walk through less fortunate situations and experiences that are and were not optimum and that this is for myself to take responsibility for as a point to take on, for myself as well as for life as a whole and that it is about me standing within principle, no matter what happens. I commit myself to take responsibility for the parts in me and my life that were not so fortunate, to forgive myself and make peace with it and see how to put myself as point of support in this for myself and others and I commit myself to investigate how the experience of ‘loss’ is related to not being able to bear a healthy child anymore with regards to being at the end of the years of fertility and to take responsibility for it within this serie of blogs.
I commit myself to keep practising and sharing about the simple, daily points that we are all facing within ourselves during our lives, maybe in different ways but in essence the same.
Next blog: Dag 712 – 2. Loosing stability
Journey to Life – Reis naar Leven:
7 jaar dagelijks schrijven – Dag 1 – Van ziel naar Leven
video: 2012: Nothingness – The 7 year process Birthing Self as Life
Ingrid’s Desteni Witness Blog
The Secret to Self-Realisation:
Proces van wereldverandering: