So let’s move on with the point of hesitation that comes up when I have to choose what to buy (see day 292).

What was it about, in the shopping mall.

It was about a plaid that I want to pull over the couch in the living room, and about the color that was not the exact colour that I was looking for, and because it was not the exact colour that I was looking for, I found the amount of money that it costs, too much. Here I lable it as too much when it is not what I am really looking for. When it was exactly what I was looking for, I would not hesitate but immediately buy it. Which shows the luxury that I live in, that I can buy a plaid if I really like it (I am talking about 14,95 euro, and in this area of amount I have luxury to choose at the moment, which is really luxury if we compare it to the large amount of population in the world who do not even have 1 proper meal a day).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in choises about a plaid and a colour of a plaid, in which I bring myself into the mind and where this choise becomes really important, as I donot want to make the ‘wrong’ choise, as I donot have the money to buy again a plaid if I choose ‘wrong’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel quilty about the luxury that I am worrying about the colour of a plaid for the couch and where I really want to make the perfect choice for a plaid looking as perfect as possible in the house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in these free choises in so many plaids and colours, and when there is not the right colour, I hesitate to buy it, where in I realize that if I would have only seen 1 plaid and 1 colour within my life with a quality that stays for a long time, I would have been fine and satisfied with buying this one plaid as it is functional for using.

So most of time I do buy things of a quality that I can use for a long time, and I buy often things second hand. I also allow myself to buy a nice colour as I like to make the house looking colourful as an expression that I enjoy to live in, which I buy within a small budget.

The point that I am bringing up here, is the point of having so much free choises where we got lost in, as there is a whole shopping mall with furnish, and there is not 1 shopping mall, there are a lot of shopping malls.

When, as I said, a large amount of the population doesnot have money to buy food to live from.

So what is the consequense of the amount of free choises that we have here living in luxury? Is it what is best for all to be able to choose out of so many furnish, one more expensive that the other, and one person having more money available than the other?

And within this, getting lost within all these free choises, and still not being satisfied when making ‘the wrong choice’. What is happening within this?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in free choises in which I am used to grow up, where if I want something, I really want that specific thing and I manage to get it after searching.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be used to get what I want, which means, that I am used to have some money to spend to get what I want, within a limitation that I made for myself as being reachable, which again, is related to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept a no in the mind – within a limitation that I made for myself as being reachable, which is actually a limitation in/as the mind as a no in general – in which I can say that I am spoiled by free choises in/as the mind, where in I lost myself in free choises which are related to money, and when these free choises cannot be fulfilled, I experience disappointment and lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience disappointment and lost when I cannot fulfil my free choises in/as the mind and to stay being busy with this emotions and feelings that I create within chasing after free choises.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first want to fulfil my free choises to get myself in a safe area in/as fulfilment, and second want to standup for equality , instead of seeing that when living in equality as what is best for All, this includes me, as I belong to All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually experience fear for poverty and for that I want to bring myself in a safe area in survival, which is what we are all doing, first taking care of our own survival without noticing what condition we all as humanity and nature live in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money anymore to buy some small things that I like and to do some small things that I like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base what I like on having money to do and to buy things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to relate a system of judgement as liking and not liking within myself on the amount of money that I have without as outside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know how to live without money and so, actually to not know how to live at all/to not know what Life is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to the amount of money I have, and as I grew up average in this, I limit myself to being average, not even considering the possibilities beyond this limitation, but being busy with survival as getting the best choice within this limitation and within this, trying to feel the best as I can in/as energy in/as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself busy within this limitation in/as the mind in/as survival, where I am so busy with survival and getting out the best of it, that I forget to see beyong the limitations of the mind inside msyelf and the limitations of money outside myself, in which I keep myself enslaved forever within this balancing in/as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that living is about getting the best choise within the balance in/as the mind, not seeing that within this balance, my best is always at the cost of somebody else, instead of standing up, stopping limitations as balancing out opportunities in/as the mind, forgiving myself this balancing as a movement between polarities, to become one and equal with myself as life as what is best for all, as only when I stop polarity as inequality within myself , I can stand up as myself in oneness and equality as what is best for all.

When and as I see myself going into the mind, looking for the perfect choice, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I go into fear for missing a chance of fulfilling myself, where in I fear the experience of lost of not being able to fulfil myself in/as the mind.

I realize that I am busy with this fulfilment to create energy as survival within the limitation of myself in/as the mind, to at least get the best out of it within the limitation of inequality.

I stop, I breathe, I bring myself here. I see with common sense if I need to buy it and if I am not sure, I see in physical reality what I need and what is the best practical choice in this, and eventual go back to buy what suits best.

I commit myself to investigate the moment that I go into survival and see what I specificaly fear behind the fulfilment, so that I can write out and forgive myself the urge for fulfilment and the fear that exist within, behind and related to this.

When and as I see myself going into fear for poverty and an experience of lost within this, I stop, I breathe.

I realize I go into fear in/as the mind within a framework of survival, to keep myself enslaved within this frameword in/as the mind and to justify this state of mind within an experience of fear.

I do no longer allow myself to use fear as a justification to keep myself enslaved within the framework in/as the mind in/as survival.

I commit myself to take care of myself by taking taking care of the job I work in and by taking care of the daily physical reality that I live in, and at the same time, equally, work and stand up for a life what is best for all life, which starts with equal money for everybody, and within myself , which starts with investigating the inequality within myself in every area, as I realize that as long as I am unequal to and as myself as life – and not even know what life is – and so who I am – without money – I am bringing forward inequality into the world.

So I commit myself to write out and forgive myself the unequal relationships as limitations that exist within myself in/as the mind, one by one, breath by breath, as the points that are coming up each day within myself which require direction, in which I use the experience of fear as a flagpoint of justification that I need to investigate.

I commit myself to give this process my all in this life, within the physical comfortability of daily practical living, as I realize I have only this one life, until a point of nothingness is reached – unlimited in/as life – as a starting point to bring about life in/as equality as what is best for all.

De serie Expressie en de Darm begint bij Dag 232 – (inclusief Disclaimer)